A Broken Girl In A Diegosaurs World.

Sinse the beginning...

I am Roseline but everybody seems to call me Rose
I'm only 15 years old. I live in Illinois.

My life hasn't been the greatest. I seem to have some major depression and anxiety problems and most things aren't helping out right now. It seems to just get worse and worse for me. I rarely leave my house anymore. I don't have many people on my side, however Diego was always there whether he knows it or not.

I've realized life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, It's hard. Things dont always go how we plan, feelings get hurt, people are nasty, and people change. I've been through a lot of tough times and I'm just a lost girl trying to find her place in the world.

My mom passed away when I was nine; just one year after my sister Leanne who was my best friend since she was born. Leanne was a simply amazing sister even though she was 7 years younger than me. I always imagined my mom being at my wedding, being a wonderful grandma to my children, welcoming my first boyfriend. But... Not in that order. And I definitely never imagined the call from the hospital telling me I had to come identify my mother and then planning her funneral. It was all a nightmare that kept reaccuring. I'll never forget it. My mother ended her own life. Suicide never seemed like it would be an option for her. She was happy and loving and a great mom. She loved me more than she loved herself. She was patient and caring. Hard working and determined. She made it seem like she didn't let rough patches get her down. She was strong, and she tought me so much and gave me so much strength. She didn't deserve to feel the way she did. But there was nothing I could do about it, especially not now.

My mother was my hero, my bestfriend, and my supporter, but she is gone forever. It is hard everyday to walk through the hallway and see the pictures of her hanging along the wall and sitting nice and neat on the tables. It hurts to go to all my family events and not see her sitting next me, to remember all of our memories. To be home at night crying and not have her there kissing the top of my head, rubbing my back promising everything would be okay.

Only about a year and a half before my mom committed suicide my parents split up. It was so hard on me. My father was an awful alcoholic; there wasn't a moment in the day he was drinking. I hated my father but I still had to go see him. The worse part about it is that my mom couldn't be there when I was supposed to be with him. I needed my mom. But obviously he didn't care. But why should he, I suppose.

As if anything couldn't get worse, my dad turned abusive. He was an angry drunk and it equaled in me spending my life getting screamed at. And that is the reason that caused problems in my parents marriage. He never hurt my sister, Leanne, and the reason was because I had been so protective of her. She was my bestfriend. But she went to live with dad after mom passed and he has been filling her head with lies.

We believed that while my mom was alive that she always had stopped him and protected me. And after she passed away everything got ten times worse.

There was nothing stopping him. He just didn't care.

He often calls me awful names. I believe no parent should ever call their children these names. They always ranged from stupid bitch to dirty whore and even worthless cunt. I try not to let it bother me... but who wouldn't be bothered? It truly hurts. It makes me wonder why he calls me these things. What did I do wrong? Why does he hate me like this? Why did I deserve this? He made me feel like I was a nobody.

A lot of people don't seem to know what it really feels like to be mentally and emotionally abused. It is a terrible feeling, to feel unloved, to feel completely worthless, like I don't belong. It is very hard to know that someone who is supposed to love you, just doesn't. And I can never get over that fact.

Even though I may never quite find my true place in the world, I know my place is anywhere Deigo is. Diego is this super awesome you-nower and youtuber; I absolutly love him. He is my world and my only reason to live at the moment. He has saved me many times.

He will probably never actually notice me as a person, but I am ever so thankful for him and no matter how terrible I feel I know Diego will always be here.