an: im bored
-
you and a couple friends decide to head out to a wild birthday bash for your second cousin. you rummage through a friend's purse in search for the pepper spray you let her borrow once because it's 2016 and rape culture is rampant. you finally yank the hot pink bottle out and announce, "i'm ready!"
your friend elle makes sure she has her phone and tells the short olive-skinned girl beside her to hurry up.
"bitch, i'm clarisse. when do i hurry up?"
"try me bitch."
they bicker. god, this might take a while.
~
half an hour later after agreeing to ride in seperate cars, everyone arrives to the chaotic party. couples were ear-fucking, doing shots off nipples, and doing things you didn't even know were possible. like algebra. you walked into the massive house and recieved greetings from random strangers, mostly in dutch. or was it spanish?
you stalk further into the house to grab some walnuts, figs, and starfruit off the snack table but are tripped over by a runaway skittle. a dank man with gecko green eyes catches you in his arms.
"watch where the fuck you're going dumb bitch," he whispers in a seductive tone.
"shut your ass up ugly cracker," you whisper back.
"ooh, i like you. wanna fuck?"
"yes bitch. are you sober?"
"yes boo. you too?"
"yas whitey let's fuck. i always wanted to know what unseasoned chicken tastes like,"
"ok."
-
you guys sprint to the nearest bathroom, secretly praying it was empty and that the walls were olive green. as you walk in, the walls are salad vomit green and you figure it's good enough. it's massive but you guys have some shit to do.
he unbuckles his cargo shorts and runs his hands through his brown hair. he pulls a mega monster size spiderman condom out of the underwear pocket he has and puts it on his ding dong diddly dick. you pull your dress off but struggle to take your victoria's secret bra off. after 2 seconds, he has had enough. he pulls out a pair of hedge clippers and snips the clasp to your $40 bra. you rip your rings off and put his ping pong penis in between your spindly fingers and he thrusts. soon, you both reach an orgasm. he picks you up to put your nostril on his wing widdly weenie. you sniff his dick until a sticky white substance comes out. he was mad bro. what you gave him felt amazing. he whips out a gun, reminding you why gun control is needed. he calls you a cunt and challenges you to a duel. you accept. at high noon tomorrow, you guys will fight to the death. see you.
i need a life
