Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Storybrooke

A/N: I'm having a very bad case of writer's block with my other story, but I did have the idea to start this one. Some of you might be familiar with "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts." Since that was written, there have been lists of other things people are not allowed to do in other places, such as Middle Earth. As far as I know, though, this is the only OUAT-based one. So, without further ado (except for the disclaimer), let us begin Things I Am Not Allowed To Do in Storybrooke/Fairytale Land!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing from Once Upon A Time

1. I am not to ask Regina if she can curse my favorite characters from other fandoms to Storybrooke.

2. When Rumplestiltskin and Belle are on dates, they do not appreciate being followed around and "serenaded" with the Beauty and the Beast theme song. They get interrupted quite enough already.

2a. In fact, it is not a good idea to sing anyone the theme song of their Disney counterparts.

3. Dr. Whale is Victor Frankenstein. Despite his love of science, he is not Bill Nye the Science Guy.

4. It is not funny to spray myself with bug spray, act shocked when Dr. Hopper can come within a foot of me without gagging, then sue the bug spray company.

4a. It is definitely not funny to spray bug spray directly at Dr. Hopper.

5. I will not lie to Cora or Hook about the functions and uses of any modern devices.

6. Rumplestiltskin does not appreciate being called "Rumpledumplings," or any other such mutilations of his actual name.

7. I am not to present Ruby with a dog collar, claiming that it is a "necklace" that I thought was "just her style."

8. I should not invite David and Mary Margaret to play hide-and-seek so that they can "always find each other."

8a. Even if they accept.

9. It is a very bad idea to sign Regina and Cora up for baking classes so that they can experience "healthy mother-daughter activities."

10. Bothering Neal about how his name reminds you of a bale of hay on fire is immature, and he does not find it funny.

11. Hook gets knocked down enough as it is. I am not to knock him uncsious so I can replace his hook with harmless, everyday objects, such as a spoon, or an oven mitt.

12. I will not call Mulan "Ping."

13. It is not nice to put nutmeg on Emma's coffee and pretend it is cinnamon.

13a. I will not pretend that it was an honest mistake.

14. I am never to use Rumple's dagger as a butter knife.

15. The hearts in Regina's vault should not be touched unless it is absolutely necessary, and then should be handled with the utmost care. Under absolutely no circumstances are they to be used for juggling practice, baseball games, or as stress balls.

16. I will not pour random substances down the magical well to "see what happens."

17. Singing the "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" song from Veggie Tales to Hook is a bad idea. He doesn't find it amusing.

18. I am not to use the cloaking spell on buildings and cars.

19. Magical beans are extremely valuable, and are not be cooked and eaten.

20. It is not funny to sneak the size-changing mushrooms into meals at Granny's diner.

21. I am not to suggest to Jefferson that he open a hat boutique in Storybrooke.

22. Giving Apple products to Regina is not funny.

22a. It is isn't funny to give them to Mary Margaret, either.

23. Asking Rumplestiltskin why he chose to mass-produce gold instead of platinum, which is rarer and more valuable, is not a good idea. 2

23a. I am not to ask him if he can spin straw into Nutella, either.

24. I am not to offer Sneezy allergy medicine.

25. I will never again eat a perfectly harmless apple and then pretend to fall into a poisoned-apple induced coma.