Masked Hearts // harry styles au

F i v e

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?" - John Lennon

It was as if God had adjusted the colours of the world in the night, like it was as easy as twisting one of those old plastic dials on a TV set. Everything was brighter than it should be; the trees were not just green but radiant virescent hues that burned themselves in my sleepy retinas. The houses were as gay as if they'd been repainted by moonlight and now stood vibrant in the golden rays that fell unfettered though the clear sky. The road that should be grey was a sleek river of black with perfect paint lines and the street-lamps were blue. But they had never been blue, not ever.

Everything was so right it was wrong - really wrong. The front yards that had been disheveled with the decrepitude of late winter just yesterday were a riot of colourful blooms. I turned back to look at my house, the curtain twitched! Someone was in there! I hurried to the front door only to find it was locked. I slapped the wood. A face appeared at the window...a shadow...

***

Though my eyes are open I can't think of why; my heart was pounding, mind empty. It's as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into my carotid. I strain into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady.

Sweat surfaced my body like the oil on freshly fried chips. Questions were being thrown in my head disorienting my thoughts. The scene was still freshly replaying itself over and over again.

Who was he?

I put all my contemplation aside, reminding myself, once more, that it was just a dream. I closed my eyes gently trying to fall back asleep but failed continuously. Finally, after forcing my body to move, I got up and quietly went downstairs. I guess it was a habit, since the house was completely empty. My mother, after a long argument, convinced me to sleep at home and come back the next morning. Guess it wasn't her brightest idea.

I wanted her to hold on to me and comfort me with her soothing words, telling me that everything will be alright. She, however, more than anyone now, was the one who needed tranquilizing. I knew how the guilt was eating her up from the inside and it killed me. Watching her in this vulnerable state was torture for me.

I feet swiftly guided themselves downstairs to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water. It was dark. I paid no attention to the rattling of the trees outside my window until I remembered the nightmare. I took a few steps towards the window. The world was its own, plain, usual self. No shadow staring back at me. Everything was normal.

I turned around and squealed louder than ever. My very own shadow gave me the greatest shock in my life. My heart was beating a hundred times per minute that I could feel the pulse all over my body.

"Oh God, you scared me there..." I chuckled at my stupidity. Talking to myself, what's next?

I went upstairs and lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. This sleeplessness is my torture. While the rest of the world embraces their dreams, their eight hours of rest, I toss and turn chasing the white rabbit. It's two thirty in the morning. I don't want to sleep. I fear sleep. I fear the events awaiting me tomorrow. Maybe if I just stay up longer, the night will find a way to linger just a bit more.

I'm drunk on silence. For minutes it has seeped into my pores, dowsing my mind in its thick toxicity. The usefulness of my thoughts left long ago, leaving these fatigued neurons to fire almost randomly- flailing without direction. I want so much to not to think at all, I want to be absorbed into the darkness that the night promised me hours ago. I want to be waking refreshed to streaming white daylight, unaware of the hours between then and now. But it doesn't happen.

The buzzer of the extension phone went off like an annoyed rattlesnake.

"Mom?" I spoke way too soon.

"Hello love," my father's voice engulfed me, completely capturing my brain.

Tears found their way to my eyes. When I thought I had been dehydrated, my body had proven me, once again, wrong. Just hearing his whisper, as much as I hated to admit it, brought joy to my heart in a split second. Yes, he had kept me "hostage", but no matter what, I shall always love him.

"I'm coming home sweet peas," he started. "Your mom and I spoke things through. We are going to be okay. If I'm correct, the doctors need to do a quick check up tomorrow and I'll finally be set free."

When we are young and intense everything is felt so keenly. Love is deep, hate is strong, anxiety can cripple, sadness overwhelms yet happiness is overlooked unless it is the kind of giddy fun that bonds you to your friends.

With age comes a mellowing for most, the feelings are all there but the dial gets turned down, and so the gentle sort of happiness that was disregarded in youth comes to the fore. The small pleasures of life take a more prominent role. You savor peaceful moments and learn to really cherish your loved ones. You can take pride in giving back and helping to guide the young.

So shall it stay put, a smile eternally stained upon my lips.

"I love you Sierra-bear," he said, the words clearer than ever, as if it those three simple words were made to be heard with such emotions.

The tension that was once there at the beginning of the conversation had faded entirely. I comfortable silence was placed between us as we both took gentle breathes.

"I love you too Dad," I replied with complete sincerity. I truly meant it.

And with that the line had shut, leaving us relaxed, with a huge weight lifted off both our shoulders. We still had important matters to discuss, but for now we were okay, we were good.

Just when I was starting to think that matters would be okay, a loud bang was heard outside. The thunder seamed to crack the air, as if the very heavens might split apart. It rolled like the ash could of a volcano, becoming a rolling booming rumble. It declared to all the raw power of nature and gave fair warning of the wrath that was to come.

I pulled my legs towards my chest in order to shelter myself from the evil outside. I rocked my body back and forth until finally drifting off into a deep sleep.

Hello wolves. Hungry for a chapter. I know I'm late. Please don't kill me. I am a busy woman is all i have in defense. I am proud of this one so I hope you like it too. I had exams and shit but I promise I'll be updating more often from now, hopefully. I love every single one of you. Please vote and comment cuz y'all awesome AF.

Okay I'm done now. Also listen to sad songs while reading this chapter. Let's see how many of you tear up.

-Rokaya