Rebecca

Chapter 2: I want...

Chapter 2: I want…

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          Have you ever just wanted to forget everything? Even if it’s just for a moment, a day – however long – you just wanted to forget about everything. Well that’s me almost every day, sometimes I just don’t do anything about it. But I’m doing something about it today. After that incident yesterday I think it’s time for me to forget for a day. This is usually how it happens; I let everything build up inside of me – a few cries here and there – I don’t say anything, I just push into the back of my mind until there’s no space left for me to hold it in. That’s when I want to let go – feel numb so to speak.

          Everyone around me loves when this happens. I turn into the old Rebecca; eyes that shined like no tomorrow, with all the hope in the world, a lively smile that never disappeared. The Rebecca that was life, versus the Rebecca now; dull, looks as if she’s wearing away write in front of you. Her eyes barely show any sign of life. The Rebecca that is lifeless. But I’m not going to be the lifeless Rebecca today. That Rebecca doesn’t exist today.

           The T.V in front of me plays the sound of Spongebob Squarepant’s while I’m eating a bowl of cereal. Shifting on the couch I push the window and let the California breeze push hair from my face. This how I usually start my Saturday mornings; I actually come out from my cave and sit with my mother and father in the living room watching television until they go off to start their day. But unlike like my usual routine – to go in my room and sulk in my own filth – I’m going to go out today.

          Picking up my phone from my side I scroll through unread texts until I see the group message from my friends Megan, Victoria, and Lisa. The most recent message was about two days ago  sending out a message to them I say: Hey guys, I know it’s been a while since we’ve actually hung out. But I really need to have some fun tonight…But please, don’t bring up Macy or anything like that I don’t want to talk about that tonight. I just want to have fun. Sending out the message I stand up and go up to my room to get dressed since it’s now eight o’clock.

        Now sitting in front of the worn out vanity mirror in the corner of my room, I apply all the essentials for me to look like I’m not a zombie; concealer, foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and a small bit of a neutral pink lipstick. As I fondle my hair with my skinny fingers I pull it all up into a bun on top of my head, letting the light hit against my prominent cheek bones. I slip into a black polka dot skirt that stops above mid-thigh –showing off my long legs – and pull a tight white shirt over my head with a neckline stopping before I have cleavage and slip into a pair of black, Mary Jane, platform heels with a strap across the ankle. I’m satisfied with this look, twirling in a circle in front of my full body mirror.

          The dinging sound of my phone catches my attention so I pick it up, telling me all of them have answered my message. Lisa’s read: Yes! And again I’m sorry we just want to know you’re okay. There’s party tonight at Ethan’s. Wait Ethan’s party… Maybe this isn’t a good idea. Megan: Lisa is you stupid?! You know her and Ethan are broken up. Victoria: There’s going to be so many people there tonight anyway she probably won’t see him. Come on Becca, don’t worry about it, he’ll get over you any day now. We all really want to see you! She’s right, I shouldn’t worry about it. This is going to be a night where I forget about all of my worries. Just a night to have fun for once so I’ll send them this: Don’t worry about it guys, I just want to have some fun tonight. I don’t want to worry about seeing Ethan. Whose car are we in? Seconds later they reply telling me that the will pull up to my house in twenty-five minutes.