cliché (phan)

eight

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The next day, while I was peacefully eating my lunch, Tyler decided to bug me about his boy toy.

"Have you talked to him yet? Did he talk about me? What about his eyes, aren't they gorgeous? And his hair- it's like a bunch of curly fries! And his di-"

I groaned. "No, Ty, I haven't talked to him yet."

"What? You need to talk to him! Please!" Tyler pouted.

"I will," I exhaled, swallowing a bite of my sandwich. Suddenly, Tyler whacked my arm. "What?" I glared.

"Your hottie's coming your way!" I tensed and turned, sure enough seeing Phil Lester walking towards our table with a tray of food. "Mmm, is he on the menu?"

I spun around to whack Tyler in the chest. "I took the last plate of him, fucker."

"Ew, you cannibal."

"Shut up, it's a metaphor!" I hissed.

"Hey, Augustus Waters," I heard. Phil sat down in front of me, grinning at me.

"Hello, cutie," Tyler flirted, dramatically leaning onto me and waving.

"Sorry his sexual frustration is higher than his IQ."

"Fuck off! I'm only failing three classes!"

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, what's up, Lester?"

"Well-"

"Dan's a virgin by the way," Tyler cut in. My eyes went wide and I felt myself blushing, watching as Phil began laughing.

"I am not!"

"-never even touched himself."

"Tyler!" I screeched, kicking him under the table. He yelled.

"Is that so, Howell?" Phil smirked at me. I grumpily stabbed my fork into my mashed potatoes, frowning.

"No-" I lied.

"Oh please, your dick hasn't been touched by anything but Mario themed boxers and-"

"I swear to fucking God I am going to k-"

"I love Mario," Phil gasped. I paused, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yep, I wear Mario boxers. I'm wearing them right now," I forced a smile, internally beating myself up for being so embarrassing.

"I'm not wearing any," Tyler mumbled next to me. I facepalmed. Phil blinked awkwardly. I took a bite of my pasta.

"Wanna see if I am, Howell?" Phil teased me. I inhaled sharply, the unchewed noodles flying and hitting the back of my throat. I coughed and hacked until I spit into my napkin, breathing heavily.

"He chokes a lot," Tyler told the boy. "Not on dicks though, obviously."

"Right," Phil laughed.

"Anyway!" Tyler announced to the table. "I'm gonna go find Troye."

"But you're too shy to talk to him," I tilted my head. Tyler shook his head.

"I never said I'd talk to him. My eyes can do that for me."

I giggled. "Alright, see ya."