cliché (phan)

thirteen

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"I had fun; besides the part where my grandma looked like she wanted to single-handedly fight us with her cane," Nick grinned. I laughed. Phil was sat in the table behind us, quietly nibbling on his pizza.

"Yeah me too," I smiled, shifting on the doormat awkwardly. I reached out and gave him a quick hug.

"Hey, Dan?" He began. I looked up at him, titling my head. "Would you maybe wanna go on a date tomorrow?"

I felt my cheeks heat over and let out a giggle. "Sure. How about that Italian restaurant downtown?"

Nick flashed me a lopsided grin, leaning forward and leaving a gentle kiss on my cheek. "Great, see you tomorrow night."

"Yeah, see you Phi-" I cut myself off when I realized he was no longer there. I furrowed my eyebrows, shaking my head and looking back at Nick. "Tell him I said bye. See you tomorrow, Nick!"

He waved and shut the door and I went back home.

✿✿✿✿

PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW

"You're literally gay."

I shook my head at the girl in front of me, Victoria, the one whom I (unfortunately) called my best friend. "I know I'm gay, dipshit. The thing is, Dan's going on a date with my brother. I need you to go on a fake date with me so we can watch them from a distance in silence."

Victoria held in her laugh. "So spy on them?"

I crossed my arms, scoffing, "psh, no. It's just watching with two eyes when they don't know you're there and- ohmygod I'm stalking him."

"Ding ding ding! Twenty points to Phil!" Victoria joked. I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fine. If you wanna creepily watch your crush flirt with your brother then I'm in. But I'm wearing a dress, and you have to wear a fake mustache."

"A fake mustache?" I chortled. Vic nodded.

"You need to, oh I don't know, maybe not look like yourself while stalking someone?"

My lips formed in a tight line. "Alright. Just meet me at my place in an hour, and if anything goes wrong, I need you to pass out."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it'll distract him and I'll make a run for it."

"For some reason I think you'd do just the same thing if I really did pass out."

"Go get dressed," I groaned. Vic laughed, waving me off and shutting the front door. I hurried back home, digging through my closet and finding a tuxedo.

A devious idea popped into my head and I tiptoed to Nick's room, listening for any sign of him inside. None.

I cautiously pushed open the door and spotted his wallet on his desk, grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland as I crept forward. I picked up the object, opening it and finding his money. I pulled it out and ran, shoving the stash under my bed. Now he won't pay for dinner.

I scurried back downstairs, checking my fringe one last time before heading outside. I spotted Vic in a small black dress, waving at her. I trudged over, looking her up and down.

"You're making me question my sexuality."

Vic laughed. "You don't look so bad yourself, Philly. What's up with the creepy smile?"

"I may or may not have sabotaged Dan and Nick's date," I blurted quickly. Vic's confusion flashed to amused within seconds and she began cracking up.

"You're crazy," she smiled. "I love it."

I took her hand and helped her into my car, hurrying over to the driver's seat and heading over to the restaurant. I parked and Vic reached into her bag, pulling out a fake stick-on mustache. I exhaled.

"I wanted to look fourteen not forty."

"And I wanted to stay home and eat pizza, so I guess we're both out of luck. Now quit complaining and put it on, asswipe."

I groaned but obliged, looking in my rear-view mirror and sticking on the fake facial hair. I looked at her. "How do I look?" I joked.

Vic giggled. "Like you're about to go stalk your crush at an Italian diner."

I shot her a look and she laughed out loud, and we drove the rest of the way in peaceful silence. After parking we headed inside, Vic grabbing my hand. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Do you wanna seem straight or not?"

I shrugged. "Good point."

We headed in and I spotted Dan right away, laughing at something Nick said. We got a table fairly close so we could watch the two of them converse. I frowned, my eyes locked on them like a lion to a prey.

"Do I need to get my phone out and take a picture for you?" Vic teased. I huffed, grumpily taking a sip of my drink.

"Look at them, all lovey-dovey and flirty. It's disgusting."

"It's only disgusting because it's Dan and Nick. Anyway, hurry up and order."

We ordered and I continued to pout at the both of them, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. They had finished their meal already, the two boys just simply chatting now.

Suddenly I noticed Nick's hand moving to intertwine with Dan's and panicked, grabbing my straw and wadding up a piece of wrapper. I shoved it into the straw and wrapped my lips around it, exhaling violently and watching the spitball fly and hit Dan in the neck. He gasped aloud and Vic burst out laughing while I hid my head behind my menu.

"Nice shot," Vic snorted. The waiter then placed the bill on their table and I lifted my head up, eyes widening. "What'd you do now?"

"I may or may not have hid Nick's money under my bed so he wouldn't be able to pay."

Vic facepalmed. "You idiot! What if Dan doesn't have the money? They could go to jail!"

I gulped. "Fuck, you're right. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. What do I do?"

"Casually drop money on the floor."

"How the hell do you casually drop fifty bucks?"

"Like this," Vic started. She snatched my wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill, waltzing over and dropping the cash dramatically. Dan and Nick paused the conversation to look up at her. "Oh no, it appears I have dropped my one hundred dollar bill- what a shame. . ."

Nick reached down awkwardly, picking it up and raising it to hand it to Victoria. She forced an overly-friendly grin. "Here."

Vic pushed his hands away. "Oh no, sonny, it's fine!"

"Wait, I know you. . . Victoria, right?" Dan piped in. I slapped my hand to my face, groaning. This was failing miserably. Vic let out a cackle.

"Oh hey Dan! I totally didn't see you there!"

Dan laughed, oblivious. "Who are you here with?" He politely asked. Vic gulped, looking back at me. I gasped, turning and hiding my head again in the menu.

"Oh my um. . . boyfriend?" She responded, the last word sounding more like a question than an answer.

"Is that who I think it is?" I heard Nick growl. I heard Vic clear her throat as chairs were pushed back and I looked up to see Nick and Dan stomping over.

"Phil? What the hell are you doing here?" Dan blinked. I stood, ripping off my mustache.

"Oh! Nicholas and Howell- what a surprise!"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Nick cried. I itched at the back of my neck, smiling sheepishly. Vic headed over, smiling uncomfortably and speaking up.

"So, uh, do I pass out or not?"