Fighting for Love

Chapter 11

Samanthat POV

Once we got to the cake tasting, I tried to push all thoughts of Jeremy to the back of my mind and focus on tasting some cake. However, it was harder than I expected especially when I did not receive a response to my text. Monique could tell that I was a bit distracted and I was grateful when she decided to give me some space. By the time we got back to Monique's place she still didn't decide on what cake she wanted. So with the promise of arranging another appointment with a different cake company to make up for my behavior earlier, we both parted ways to retire for the evening. 

When I got to my  room I decided to take a quick shower after placing my phone on the charger. By the time I got out and dressed in a pair of sweats and a tee I noticed that I had a missed call from Jeremy. My heart skipped a beat at the revelation and I suddenly began to doubt myself on if confronting him was the best way to go. I grabbed the phone from the night stand and dialed his number before I had the chance to overthink things. 

He answered on the second ring; "I was beginning to think that you changed your mind." was his first statement,  "I was actually in the bath when you called, Monique and I just got back in." 

"How was your day?" he asked sounding a bit unsure. "It was very eventful actually,"

I think he could sense that the conversation was taking a turn that he wasn't ready for.  "What is it that you would like to talk about then?"  

"I wanna talk about you actually. I just want to know what it is that you do for a living." I asked, I wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush. "Samantha, we've been through this already; we both agreed that I would tell you when I'm ready."

"No, you agreed that you didn't want to share that bit of information with me. But I'm honestly tired of the whole situation and frankly I think that its ridiculous that you can't even trust me with that much." 

"Why is it so damn hard for you to just leave it, I will tell you when the time is right. I just don't get what's the big deal with you not knowing right now. Is it so important for you to know right this second,is that really all you care about. I thought you were gonna give me a chance to show you the real me before we complicated things any further." I could hear the frustration in his voice but I wasn't letting up. 

"How can you say you want to show me the real you but still leave out the most important parts of yourself. That's not how trust works Jeremy, you can't just pick and choose." 

"Well that's honestly rich coming from you, don't you think Samantha?" was his smart response; "What's that suppose to mean exactly?" 

"You don't even trust anyone as far as you can see them and you're lecturing me about trust." I knew it was the truth but it didn't hurt any less. 

"You know what Jeremy when you had life as hard as I did, it's a bit difficult to open up to others but I was willing to give it a try but maybe I'm making a big mistake."  I was honestly hurt but I couldn't stomach the thought of leaving things how they were but the silence on the other end didn't sound too promising. 

I decided to give it one last try; "Did Monique ever tell you how Kyle died?" I asked feeling a bit out of sorts, I wasn't sure if sharing was the right thing but for once I was willing to take the risk. 

"She told me he died in an accident," he said sounding a bit uncertain. "It wasn't just any accident actually, it was our one year anniversary and we were on our way out to dinner; that night the roads were a little slippery because it had been raining all day. I told Kyle it was alright if we stayed in as long as we were together." Just talking about it brought back so much unwanted memories; "I was so in love with him, he was the only person in my entire life that made me feel like I was the most precious thing in the world. From young my father never wanted me so he left before I was born and my grandparents blamed me for my mother's death so I was always treated like shit. From the time I was of age I moved in with my first boyfriend and he was abusive. Verbally and physically, I met Kyle at after I had just managed to escape my first boyfriend. It wasn't until a year later that we got together. So you could imagine why I didn't care where we were, so long as we were together. I remember that night like it was yesterday; we were laughing and singing some cheesy love song that was playing on the radio, we stopped at the traffic lights and when the lights said go and he was driving out of the junction, a motorist came out of nowhere and smashed right into his side of the car. The impact was so strong that it managed to cause the car to flip. Both Kyle and the guy that rode the bike died on impact." 

By the time I finished the story tears were streaming down my face, "I stayed a week in the hospital and all I could think about was the fact that I survived and Kyle didn't. I thought that I deserved to die but from then on I had an extreme fear of bikes and it took me six months before I ever drove again."

"Oh baby I'm sorry that you had to suffer through that," Just hearing him used that term of endearment warmed my heart. "That's why I need to know what you do for a living, please Jeremy" I said pleading with him to tell me, I needed to hear it from his mouth. A part of me didn't want to believe what Monique said, I was praying that he would tell me it wasn't true. Because as much as I wanted to deny what was happening between us, I knew that I wanted Jeremy more than I ever wanted anyone else in my life and the thought of him riding bikes for a profession made me so uneasy. I could hardly think straight, all I could do was plead with him to tell me the truth while I bawled my eyes out. 

Sighing, he said in the saddest voice ever; "By the looks of it I think you already know," His statement made me cry even harder.  "Please tell me it isn't true, please tell me that this all a joke." 

"I don't know what I could possibly say at this point, I know that what you've been through was hard but I don't want what happened in the past to affect what we have. I haven't known you very long but you mean so much to me already Samantha. I can't bear the thought of losing you even before I have the chance to call you mine." 

Now it was my turn to stay silent; "I'm a motor cross rider and I'm sorry that I don't have the ideal job in your eyes but I love what I do and I'm honestly good at it. I knew that somehow if you knew it would change things between us but I never thought that it would be this much of a big deal." he said sounding so defeated. 

"Well maybe this is a sign, maybe I'm not the one for you because I'm sorry but I don't know if that's something I can accept." 

"Don't do this Samantha, please. This isn't something that we should discuss over the phone, please just give me some time. I have a few more tracks to finish up before I can travel. Please baby I'm begging you,  just wait for me." I could hear the urgency in his voice but my fear of the unknown with him wouldn't allow me to compromise. 

"I'm sorry Jeremy but I think its best if we call this friendship quits. I think  you deserve someone who can accept you fully and I don't know if I can. " I said, suddenly feeling drained. "That's not true, you're just too scared to actually try." The pain was so evident in his voice. 

"There is no point trying because it's a lost cause, the sooner you learn that the better. Then maybe you wouldn't waste your time on me, trust me; I'm not worth the trouble. I'm damage goods Jeremy and you could do a whole lot better." I could feel the self loathing and pity setting in; I needed to cut the call short. 

"Look Jeremy, I need to go. I think that it would be best if you stopped calling and texting." Before he could say anything else I ended the call and turned off my cell in case he tried to call  back. Looking at the bed side table I noticed it was just after 9 pm. I didn't realise that we were on the phone so long but knowing that sleep was a lost cause,  I decided to head downstairs to the grand piano before the voices in my head could get any louder. That's where I spent the next few hours, in my own bubble until the early hours of the morning. By the time I returned to my bedroom it was 5 am and I was exhausted to say the least. 

I was out in a matter of seconds of my head hitting the pillow, however, I it seemed like I could avoid Jeremy in real life but my dreams weren't off limits. 

Okay so I'm gonna end it there. For those who actually read it, I'm sorry for the late update and I will definitely try to do better. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and feel free to leave a comment below.

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