Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write

I Lost you

I remember the nice sweet things you used to say, all those text messages I hold dear. I'm sure some day I'll remember those memories of us and not cry like I lost the most dearest person in the world. Because, then, I won't have lost someone I love so much it hurts. You'll just be a memory, a relationship that doesn't mean a lot anymore.

You took my heart and ripped it in half, I think it may take awhile to put it back together again. I bet I couldn't handle you if we were in the same class. Having to see your smile, those adorable brown eyes, and the way you look at someone else. Someone you cared about now.

I need you to stay away from me, for my sake. I can't risk seeing another of your smiles, the way you throw your head back and laugh, the way you bite the tip of your pen when youre concentrating. I think if I did, I would probably bend down on my hands and knees and beg for you to come back.

Baby, you used to look at me that way, like I was everything in the world. How does one transfer to another so fast when you say that "you mean everything."

Please just tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you don't care. Be so rude to me that I'll begin to hate you. I can't handle your kind attitude, or the way you help anyone who needs it, even your clingy ex's. Just be mean, because then I'll get over you quicker.

I will move on. I will fall out of love with you and into someone else. I have to believe that because it's the only thing keeping me going these days. It's the only thing stopping me from running into your closed off arms.

I will move on.