Hey. It's not that long I cut some out. I haven't had the best day in my life today. Okay well, here is another bad chapter.
Dear diary,
Like all real problems that I need to solve I turned to the internet. I found out that I'm not alone, and I'm not a freak, I'm transgender.
It all makes sense now. When I was little I would cry when I was made to be put in a dress. I found it revolting to have to wear that frilly fabric. I looked up to my brother and all his friends.
I hated my body, even as a little kid. I was terrified of growing up because I didn't want what my mom had. I didn't want long hair, makeup, breasts, I didn't want to have babies. It's not what I wanted.
There is a transgender support group a couple of blocks away from castiels house. It's called young rainbows, it's for transgender teens. There next meeting is this Sunday, I'm definitely going to go.
Now I'm faced with the same options as before, this time I just have done research. I could tell castiel that I'm transgender, or I could keep it to myself. Neither one seems like a good option.
I think I'm going to go to the support group and see what they think about it. Six days and I'll know what to do. Six days and I'll be around people like me, people who understand.
Later that night~~
We had a family dinner tonight, my binder was bugging me so I was moving it. I think they saw, I think they know. everyone stopped eating and looked over at me. Castiels mom and dad shrugged like it was nothing and kept eating, but Cas didn't.
Cas kept looking at me, I felt as though he though I was some strange creature. Maybe he won't want me to stay in his room anymore. Maybe he'll go and kick me out of the house in general.
He gave me a look that said 'I'll talk to you later' and looked down at his plate. Oh god he knows! He must. Fuck.
When everyone was done he took my hand and lead me up to his room. He shut the door and looked me in the eyes. He asked the inevitable question. He asked if I was secretly a girl and had been hiding it from him.
At the end of the night I ended up telling him the whole story. He didn't hate me, but he did seem shocked. He said he wished I would have told him, and that he would have been supportive.
I'm sleeping in his bed tonight, he let me. I can just imagine his body against mine and not worrying about him accidentally finding out. His hand wrapped around my torso.
I feel like I'm in heaven. Then it hit me, I'm in love with Castiel Novak.
De
