Shine Bright Like A Diamond

I waited on the damp football field as Jessica finished her cheer leading practice. It was drizzling and I would've have already gone home without her but I didn't feel like being alone today. I laughed to myself as she jumped with so much perkiness for technically no reason, our school's football team has been on a losing streak since the 1900's.

I sighed nonetheless and continued to amuse myself as the cheerleaders attempted to make up a cheer explaining how we always win. I couldn't imagine being so happy all the time as sad as it sounds. But then again I couldn't imagine my body fitting in those tube tops and mini skirts. I smiled when I saw all the cheerleaders packing up their stuff and Jessica running towards me.

"Come on let's go, I don't know how you take all that torture," I laughed as I began to walk. She tugged on my arm making me stumble back a little bit.

"Actually we were taking the practice to Savanna's house," she said pointing at one of the cheerleaders who I assumed were waiting on her

"Oh, okay well if it won't be that long I guess I could just go with you then," I responded cheerful.

"But we were having a party afterwards, you wouldn't like it." She replied quickly

I raised an eyebrow. I could see she didn't want me along and although I wanted to know why, I quite frankly didn't care all that much

"Oh, okay well, see you later then..." I trailed off as I began walking

"Thanks, I knew you would understand" she said after giving me a hug.

She pulled away and I smiled at her reassuringly before she ran to catch up with her other friends. I stood and watched as she got into a car and drove off. The sprinkling rain that started when I arrived had now come to pour wetting my hair and clothing.

* * * *

I walked right through the door soaked and angry. I went straight to my room, dropping my back pack and picking up my sweaty covers. I past the kitchen walking to the laundry closet stuffing my covers in the machine, turning on the water, adding detergent, and closing the lid before going back into my room.

I laid on my bed, crossing my legs, hands behind my head, frustrated, deep into thought.

I had no one to call because my mom was probably giving blow jobs in the next room judging by the loud grunts and my only friend was being a snobby bitch.

I mean I had no problem with her having other friends but she could have told me so then I didn't have to wait to go home when it was raining.  

I eventually found it in myself to fall asleep.

* * * *

I stayed up that whole night trying on clothes and looking in the mirror. When I was a child, I would dress in my mother's clothes and heels for fun. Now, I try my own clothes on to make sure I'm not getting any bigger. I do this almost every week now. I've learned it can go one way or the other. I might end up with baggy clothes which is a good thing if I've starved myself enough, or I might end up with a few tears in my shirts and pants.

I got ready for school earlier than normal. I still don't know why, but I went to my mothers room. Maybe I wanted to see her face and make sure she was still alive, I don't know. I disregarded the man beside her and walked over to her side of the bed and began scanning her face. As I turned to leave as my body was pushed to the floor.

I turned around on my elbows to see the man that was beside my mother now up and nearly inches away from me. His figure towering mine on the floor. I scrambled to get up and ran out the door and left the house. My adrenaline was running and  I had the church on my mind when my body crashed into a hard chest. I fell on my ass mumbling 'sorry' repeatedly under my breathe as I got up and rushed around him, still standing looking at me with pale hazel eyes. This is Dominique, I kept my head down doubting that he would recognize me.

I turned back around biting my lip but also walking a little fast. My walk turned into speed walking, which turned into jogging, which also turned into running, and seconds later I was in full blown sprints and when I was finally out of breathe and wheezing I stopped looking up to the church with my hands on my knees as my breathing came out in pants.

My stomach growled furiously from skipping so many meals but I ignored it walking up to the doors. I stood in front of the hardwood doors thinking, why was I here?

Because my life was so messed up? Because I needed closure? Maybe exceptance from God? Maybe because I had no where else to turn. I don't know what willpower I had inside of me but obviously a lot because I pushed open the door walking in and letting it close behind me.