But We Fell Too Fast

part one: letting go

We drove down the highway from my apartment to downtown Dallas, all of the windows rolled down at Demi's request, and music blaring as loud as it could go at mine. Neither of us knew the song, but that was the fun part. I usually love to listen to my old favorites and the new hits, but with Demi, it's all about new; keeping things light and active, and living everyday like it's your last. I would soon find that wasn't a bad idea. The air was thick and hot, the kind of hot that made you feel like there was something heavy on your shouders and it was causing your entire body to melt. Who doesn't love summers in Texas? The plan we'd made was a usual one, going to the weirdest movie theater in the whole state of Texas and choosing a movie that sounded the most disturbing. Surprisingly, it wasn't always that terible of a movie, but usually it was. That didn't matter though, it was our thing, especially because we almost always went to a matinee showing, hoping to see no one we knew there- which there probably would never have been anyway. After buying a large popcorn (with extra butter of course), and a massive slushie that would soon turn both of our mouths blue, we took our seats in the desolate and forsaken theater. The chairs were ratty and broken, the screen was dark and static, but it was practically home for us.

About halfway through, I realized the movie was terrible, as usual, but that was okay because Demi's head was resting lightly on my shoulder. Throughout the film she slowly moved down, until eventually I could feel her hot breath on my chest, and my body had to shift for every breath she took. Good thing she was watching the horrible movie, I couldn't hold back the wide grin that had spread across my face.

The rest of the day went by way too quickly. We ended up at a small doughnut shop right outside of the city. In between us sat an empty box of doughnuts and our fingers were sticky with the sugary glaze that could still be tasted in our mouths. We weren't saying much, silence has always been comfortable between us. We just sat and people watched: a man trying to make a move on his date, a girl stuffing her face with mediocre doughnuts... It was so oddly comforting and peaceful and I didn't want to be anywhere else. The sir was beginning to become humid and sticky and I figured a thunderstorm was on it's way. I let my eyes wander until they found hers- deep and brown and full of happiness. The corners of her lips turned up slightly and her dimple started to appear on her cheek. I could've said it, I could've told her I love her. I should tell her, what have I got to lose? She rested her hand on mine and I maneuvered my fingers so they were interlocked with hers. There it was again, that burning sensations, that love that had to be there, she had to notice it! 

"I think I should head home now," she smiled, never knowing how much those words felt like a stab in the heart. But I let it go.

"Of course," I grinned back at her, "he'll be wanting to see you." She smiled again, obviously excited to see the man she loved, and I continued smiling too so that she would never know how I actaully felt. It's amazing what you can hide behind a simple expression.