A few weeks had passed since Joe's drunken incident, and caspar has been distant.
I hated it. it felt weird and I missed his presence. it felt so comforting.
I decided I had enough of it. I walked downstairs and let myself into his room. he was laying in his bed with his blankets thrown over him, curtains drawn. soft music playing in the background. I walked over and sat on the edge of his bed.
"caspar.." i began.
no movement.
"Caspar, look at me." i said, more firmly. he poked his head outside of his covers.
his eyes were sad.
"look, cas. here's the thing. I like you, and I like you a lot. I've only known you for about six weeks, but I feel a draw to you. and i already care for you so deeply. and you have hardly talked to me in the last two weeks and I just don't get it. everything is just so hard right now and I don't know what to do but I know I can't deal with losing you. did I do something? I just don't understand. because I haven't been able to... and it's been, years since.. and.. and.." I couldn't help it. I started crying. bawling, actually. caspar looked alarmed. he sprung up and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I cried and cried and cried. he held me so tightly, it was like he was trying to stick the broken pieces back together.
"shhh..." he cooed. "it'll be alright." he said, softly kissing my head between each syllable.
I looked up at him, sniffling. He wiped the tears that were dripping down my chin.
he held my face softly in his hands.
"reilly, im sorry I've been so selfish. you have so much on your plate with your uncle and Joe has been drinking every single night and you have barely spoken with your father and now there's this. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you space. I thought you might not need or want any distractions. and i honestly don't even know what I want for myself either. things have been hard for me, too. and I've been trying to be strong for you and joe but it's taking all my energy. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to. I... I just.." he trailed off.
I sat up, and gently pushed him down. i bent forward and kissed his forehead, and then i climbed out of his lap and curled up beside him, placing his hand in mine, and resting my head on his chest.
"we need eachother. and we're both scared because we don't want to need anybody." he whispered. I looked up at him, just in time to see a tear slide down his cheek.
~
