the outbreak ☣ 1d

Chapter 16: Perfect {UNFIXED}

Recap:

I was restless. I kept playing with my thumbs and shirt. I kept picturing myself going back into her room, but my anticipation was stronger. What should I do? Just leave her there? I couldn't. I wouldn't. I got up, and walked back to Elissa.

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A/N: PLEASE READ THE NOTE/INTRODUCTION AGAIN! IT'S SLIGHTLY EDITED! ALSO THE FIRST AND SECOND CHAPTER! We want to improve our first few chapters, because they were pretty shitty. And only Elouis in this chapter ;)

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-Elissa's POV-

Tears were still rolling down my cheeks when I heard someone barge in the room rudely. I hoped it was not Louis because I didn't want to be seen like this.

For years, everyone has thought of me as the strong girl, the girl that remained being her happy, cheery self through all the pain and heartbreak. Through her parents abandoning her, through her classmates bullying her, and through something else that no one even knows about; my abusive ex-boyfriend. But sometimes it just gets to me, you know?

Like that time at Stephanie's house, where Taylor comforted me. I wouldn't really say comforted, that's the wrong word for it. She..attempted to comfort me, and I just smiled so that I won't hurt her feelings. I know that the girls are worried for me, they care for me and all, and I know I could be myself around them, but I just don't wanna hurt their feelings.

Whenever they tell me everything's fine, I don't want to yell at them that nothing's fine and nothing will ever be fine.

Whenever they tell me that it's gonna get better someday in the future, I don't want to shout at them that it's not someday, it's today, and today keeps on crumpling up my heart as if it's a paper.

Whenever they tell me that they understand, I don't want to scream in pain and frustration because they don't understand!

Sure, Julia and Taylor don't have their parents either. But the difference between us is the fact that my parents are not deceased. The difference is, if Julia's and Taylor's parents did not die, they would be together, loving and caring for each other. The difference is my parents abandoned me. They are still alive right now, but they don't love me. They abandoned me. I was always just a failure to them.

I never made them proud. They never shed the teeniest bit of love for me. That's why they abandoned me. If they did love me, then why did they leave me? Easy. Simple. They left because they don't.

That's what hurts the most. Not the bullies, not the exes, they're what hurt the most. The reason for my cuts, the reason for my longing and loneliness, the reason for my heartbreak.

But of course, my luck has to be the b*tch it is and it was Louis. I draped my blanket over my head so he couldn't see my face. I heard his footsteps and imagined him frowning. I quickly forced the thought away, hating seeing him sad.

"Go away," I mumbled quietly, scared that my voice will break or sound hoarse. "No," he objected in a gentle voice. He slowly lifted the cocoon of a blanket, and my imagination was right; he was frowning.

As he saw my slightly red nose and puffy eyes, he climbed on top of the bed with me and softly, delicately, pulled me up to sit down beside him, then he embraced me. I hid my face in his shoulder. "Please," he pleaded, stroking my hair, "please tell me what's wrong, Elissa. I can help you out. You can tell me anything," he emphasized. "Please," he pleaded once again. 

Every word that came out of his mouth was like a knife to my heart. A bullet to my brain. An arrow through my back. He kept mumbling please. I turned my head out of his chest to look at him. He looked like he was about to cry, too.