Metanoia *NOT CONTINUING*

Eleven

Find someone who makes you realize three things: one, that home is not a place, but a feeling. Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments. And three, that heartbeats are not heard, but felt and shared.

Colby
I couldn't stop thinking about what Sam had said. Did she really want me to come find her? Did she really leave multiple hints or was it only that one? Is it even a hint?

For the past few days it's all I've been able to think about, I can hardly even sleep anymore. My mind is constantly moving, I'm surprised it isn't numb yet.

This clue should have led me to another one, but where the hell is it? I'm going insane.

"You're the kind of girl people read books about." I read it over and over and over and nothing.

I've read it aloud thinking it would help but my head is so jumbled, I can't think straight.

Read, reading, people, girl, books... books? ...BOOKS!

I stood up from my seat quicker than I thought I possibly could and sprinted to the small stack of books we kept on the unused table but never seemed to touch.

I scanned my eyes across each title and author, trying to find some type of significance.

I kneeled beside the table and flipped through each book in search of another note, but I found nothing.

I got halfway through the stack and began to lose hope.

I didn't find any notes but when I got to the last, bottom book I shuffled through the pages to see random highlights on a few of the pages.

Most of the highlighting was done with a yellow highlighter, but there was one sentence that stuck out from the rest and was highlighted in blue.

"Sam!" I called to him, wanting information about the book that was rightfully his.

"Yeah?" He made his way towards me. "Did you highlight stuff in this book?" I asked him as I showed him the yellow ink. "Yeah, it was an old school book. Why?"

I slammed the book closed and stood up. I sighed, trying my best to calm my own nerves.

"What about this one?" I opened the book searching for the page with the out of place sentence.

I found it and showed it to him.

"The trick is to notice before it's too late." He read aloud.

"No, I didn't do this one. It would have been the same color, plus this part had no importance to my notes." He shrugged, handing me back the book.

She is sending me some type of message. He was right.

But what does that sentence mean? It has to lead me to something else but I connected nothing.

I analyzed each word, trying to put myself in her unique state of mind.

There was no way anybody could be like her let alone try and think like her. Everything about her was exquisite.

She had special ways for everything she did, each detail, everything she would do would be so intricate.

Just the way she touched you, your heart, and your soul. She was a pure angel.

But at the same time she had the power to hurt you, crush you, and end you.

She had ways to wrap herself around your fingers and squeeze until you lost feeling.

Euphoric yet painful.

"The trick is to notice before it's too late." I reread the bright text.

Why couldn't she just have make things simple and just write what she wanted me to know or do? She just had to do this to me and drive me even more insane about her.

She's pushing me over the edge but at the same time it's the same edge I'd jump over just to be with her.

At this point, her lips weren't even a craving anymore...they were a need.

Everything about her constantly runs through my head and never seems to stop.

Not that I want it to, but even a break from it is impossible.

She pulled me in so deep without even doing anything, it was just her being herself.

She despises herself but I find her and every detail truly beautiful.

She hates what she does but if you think about it...she's smart. What she does is brilliant and she is most likely the strongest person I've ever met.

It's so free, and it must be relieving. To know that one day you can just do whatever you want. It's shocking to know that you can change your life at any moment. You could stop talking to anyone that makes you unhappy. You could kiss whoever you want. You could get on a plane or take your own life. Nothing is stopping you. The entire world is in your hands and you have no idea what to do with it.

She doesn't know how to love, she doesn't know what it's like to accept the fact that she's wanted.

She left me and made me feel unwanted, whereas I still want her.

I should be mad at her, I should hate her guts but fuck I can't find a reason to let go no matter how much she's done.

Where is she? Why wasn't I enough to make her want to stay?

I miss her...damn I miss her.