In My Next Life (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter Seventeen

"Last Apology"

"Say it."

"No."

"Come on, I know you want to, I know it."

"No, I said I would stay out and this is me doing that."

"Jihoon...just say it, I won't care."

"Hyung...no."

"Jihoon."

"Hyung."

"Say it."

"GOD, FINE! I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU HE WAS AN ASS AND I TOLD YOU HE WAS NO GOOD FOR YOU AND I TOLD YOU TO DUMP HIM WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME? NO, YOU DIDN'T! SO I TOLD YOU SO!" 

As Jihoon panted slightly, trying to take steady breaths, Kyungsoo just looked at him. "Do you feel better now that you've gotten that out?" he asked.

Jihoon sighed in guilt, nodding slowly. "Yeah, I do, thanks," he said, turning to Kyungsoo and smiling. Kyungsoo only chuckled under his breath and shook his head a little as he looked away. "But out of all seriousness, you should dump him, hyung. Just look at the way he's been making you feel lately. I know you love him and all, but being with the person you love shouldn't make you feel this miserable."

"I know, but it's not as easy as breaking up with him," Kyungsoo said, his head turning toward him as his eyes did. Another gust of air exited his mouth, this one being lighter, as he looked back down at his hands, watching his fingers as they picked at each other. "It's like every time he gets like this or we fight, I think that I need to end it, but then I think of what my life would be like without him and I get..." He paused, the very thought bringing a few stinging tears to his eyes, "I get really sad. I know I deserve better, but how can I leave him without missing him later?"

"You won't be able to, hyung," Jihoon said, shaking his head as he spoke. Kyungsoo's head turned in Jihoon's direction once again. "It sucks having to leave behind the people we love, but it's all a part of life. We love people and we leave people; it's a cycle and it's inevitable." The elder male sniffled and diverted his face away. "And it's not like Jongin is the only guy out there that you're going to love. I know if you give it a chance, you'll find someone equally as great, maybe even better than him somewhere in this world."

"But that's the thing," Kyungsoo said as more tears began to pile into his eyes and causing his voice to crack under the somber pressure, "I don't want anyone else but him."

Jihoon sighed. "Then, as much as I hate to say it," he said, "don't break up with him, just tell him that you need some time apart. You know, like a break."

Kyungsoo scoffed a little and rolled his eyes. "A break always means a breakup, Jihoon," he said, a single tear beginning to stream down his cheek. "If I leave, we might find out that we're better off alone and then we're done. And, honestly, that's my biggest fear. Once we're done, we're just...done, we never speak again."

"Well, the way I see it," Jihoon said, "if you and Jongin meeting was predestined, then no matter what happens, you'll end up together again. Maybe not as lovers, but you two...you'll always be in each other's lives."

"You think?" Kyungsoo asked, turning to Jihoon as more tears slowly raced down his cheeks.

"Yeah," he said softly, drawing out his voice as he lifted his hand and wiped the tears away. "I do." He smiled at the elder brightly before hugging him, rubbing small circles on his back for extra consolation.

Kyungsoo hated to, but he realized that he needed to kill the problem before it got any worse.

***********

Kyungsoo had decided that doing it in person would be too hard, so he thought a phone call would be the next best option; it was harsher than saying it to his face would be but less harsh than a text would be. Plus, at least he would get to hear his voice one last time.

"Hello?" When Jongin's deep, velvety voice melted into his eardrum, Kyungsoo shut his eyes and took a deep breath. God, he thought, he would miss that voice so much.

"Hey, it's me," Kyungsoo said.

"Oh...hey," replied the younger. "L-Look, I'm sorry about earlier, I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you or your feelings."

"No, don't apologize, Jongin." Kyungsoo shook his head, smiling faintly from the other line. "I get it."

"Right..." Jongin's tone was hesitant as if he could almost sense that this phone call wouldn't have a happy ending. 

"But...I do think we need to talk," he added, trying not to allow his tears to choke his words, "you know, about all of this." Nothing but silence came from the other line--a scared silence. "You know I love you and that I would do anything to make you happy, but I just...I feel like I can't do that anymore. You're hardly ever around and I can feel you slipping away from me. We argue all the time now and we never used to be like, Jongin, and I don't know--" He had to stop mid-sentence to push down a cry. "I don't know if I can deal with it anymore, I really don't." There was more silence with only the muffling sound of Jongin moving with the phone in his hand. "Please, say something," Kyungsoo said, his voice getting weaker by the second.

"You want to break up, don't you?" Jongin said in a low voice, evidently shaken by the sudden confession.

"Of course I don't want to, but I don't know what else there is to do," Kyungsoo said in a louder but more broken down tone.

"I...I know this is hard, I know, but we just have to work through this," he said, attempting to reason. "All of the pain we feel right now, it all be worth it once my dad retires."

"Maybe, but I don't think I can wait for that day," Kyungsoo said. "I can't keep putting my life on hold for you."

"It's not for me, it's for us, remember?" Jongin was getting upset and Kyungsoo could hear it clearly despite the slightly fuzzy connection. "It's for us..."

"I know, but what if there is no more us, Jongin?" Kyungsoo said. "I love you so much, I do, but I can't love you like this. I can't love you if I have to hide it."

For a moment, no words came out, but Kyungsoo could hear Jongin sniffle in an attempt to keep his cheeks dry.

"Please..." he whispered as the tears began to fall from Kyungsoo's eyes. "Please, don't do this. I don't know what I'd do without you, Kyungsoo, I need you. Please, don't leave me...don't leave me like this."

Kyungsoo had to pull the phone away from his ear in order to let out a small whimper, feeling the warmth of the tears rushing down his face seep into his skin.

He put the phone back up to his ear. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Kyungsoo..."  Jongin tried to say.

"Goodbye, Jongin." 

Then, he hung up the phone.