An Avatar the Last AirBender Fanfiction: Alive

Monster: Mi Propia Infierno

Author's Note:

Okay, yes I know Avatar the Last AirBender is basically obselete but still...I found my old story on fanfiction.net the other day and decided..hey, why not? I used to have a really wierd writing style. Anyway, I've always hated what the stupid avatar producers did to Azula...sure she was a little bit evil..but still! it's just plain rude...maiko is in next chapter...oh and this little splurge is the oh so interesting thoughts of Azula, from the time of the betrayal of Mai and Ty Lee to Azula's untimely suicide. oh and...DISCLAIMER: i do not own avatar:the last aribender...

In my world….

Insanity was to be Sane.

Sane unto other people. No one knew that I was really crazy all along. A sadist, a power- hungry psychopath who wouldn't, no, couldn't rely on anyone. Paranoid and ignorant of everything except fear, power, and hate.

Isn't that Insanity?

Fear equals Control

And control equals domination. If you oppressed whomever you wanted to control, and if they feared you, they would follow you into the flames of Hell. You just had to make sure they always lived in fear of you.

To be Human was to be Weak

Pity? You cannot have pity. Mercy? You cannot have mercy. Jealousy? No, none. You cannot tire easily, you cannot love or have empathy. You cannot feel pain or be betrayed. That is how you start slipping. That is how you're knocked off your golden pedestal, your image of invincibility. You cannot feel what other humans feel, but you must know the feeling of humanity. You must know humanity without being humanity. Once you enter humanity, you enter sanity. And you are destructible. Being human is a weakness. If you love someone or something, then that someone or something is your downfall.

That is why Mai rots in jail, that is why my mother is dead.

I was brought up like my father. I never knew love, or how to be kind. My father favored me, not loved me. He taught me everything about how to be power-hungry. But when he was a child , he wasn't a monster. I was.

Because I am a monster.

And I have always known that. I loved that knowledge too. I wasn't like other people , who thought they were sooo good when they were really very mean. I knew what I was….am….always will be. And that gives me my piece of mind. My confidence. My ultimate sign of dedication to being evil.

Still, a part of me, a part of me so small and insignificant that…..a part of me hates what I was, am, always will be. And that part of me is coming out. Coming out in savage triumph over my defeat. Uncontrollable blue flames of hell. The serpent writhering, twisting, in agony before it is thrust into the fiery pits of it's own personal inferno. That righteous dragon spurting flames of rage. But why? Why? Why? Why! WHY! Why these flames, this anger, these tears! I'm crying! Crying crying crying crying. I haven't cried since I was four years old, and that was…that was when I witnessed my first murder, my first bloodshed and its importance in getting what you wanted. I was four when I saw my mother getting killed. Killed by my father. My very own mother, who thought I was a monster. She was, is , will always be right of course, but it still hurt.

No. She never thought that. I know. And that part of me knew….always knew….had always known . Even though I hate humanity. Even though I never really was a part of that human world of emotions...

I am not insane.

My writhering…my screaming. My uncontrollable screams of realization is the entrance to my Sanity. My Humanity. I was a monster, will always be a monster. But I was an empty monster. A prodigy, I didn't want to accept that my mother really did love me. I preferred to let her hate me, and therefore I felt not a thing when she died to save her dearly beloved. I was a monster, yes, but a monster who didn't realize just how far from sanity she really was. Now I know. And now I am sane. And now I am on the ground, panting in exhaustion, at the mercy of my brother and a water bender. And now I am being shipped off to a mental facility. An asylum. How ironic. And now I am falling out of the window…submerged in the icy waters below…becoming human for my weakness. I was going to be Fire Lady Azula, child prodigy, skilled strategist, Mistress of the Flames and Lightening. Alive. But no. In the end, that part came out. Yes, I grew ultimately insane. "Insane" to those fools who never understood what I was. An insane monster . Out of my "insanity" came my humanity. And now I am paying the price.