Consumed

Chapter 9: Meri

I can't believe he's helping me. No one ever helps me. Well, there were a few who did, but they got burned. Just like Milan will. I'm not so sure about that anymore though. My firm belief in my own destructive nature is wavering with each act of kindness he extends to me.

If there is a way into my world-weary, broken heart, it's to show kindness. I've never been shown kindness without the expectation of something back. It warms me inside, and yet it seems to burn as well. I want to push him away, but I want him as close as I can get him. I want him to forget me, but I also want him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay.

So I sit here in the passenger seat, wishing that everything wasn't so hard. That I had a simpler, happier life. That I could be in the same circle as Milan so that I could be worthy of the kindness he's bestowed so far. Fear sparks too. I don't want him to leave. I don't want my mom to push him out.

With Millie, I was almost relieved to see her go before she got hurt worse. But with Milan, I, for the first time in my life, quite selfishly want to have him in my life for the rest of my time on Earth. Granted, at this rate, it might not be much time at all. Some is still better than none, though.

A smile tugs at his lips as he reaches over and brushes my bangs out of my face. I jump, startled by the gesture of affection. Then I relax and smile back at him shyly.

"What's got you looking so serious?" he asks.

I shrug and stare down at his hands on the steering wheel. My gaze doesn't actually catch anything. It just glosses over as I think about what almost happened to me today and where I am now.

"Is it what happened today? I'm so sorry that happened," he whispers, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. "I wish I'd shown up sooner to keep them from touching you at all. No one gets to touch you like that if you don't want them to."

Surprised, I look up at his face. His eyes are focused on the road, but his jaw is clenched just like his fingers. His shoulders are full of tension. Uncertain, I reach out and put a hand on his arm. "Please don't be angry. Nothing too bad happened. Nothing that hasn't happened before, and you were there to stop them," I soothe.

This only seems to make him angrier. He pulls over into a store parking lot and parks the car. Then he smacks the steering wheel and turns to look at me, frustration and sorrow glinting in his eyes.

I cower back, wondering if he'll hit me. He said he wasn't like the men my mom dates, but maybe he was lying to me.

As though he senses my thoughts, he relaxes and shakes his head. I watch carefully as he rests his forehead against the steering wheel and runs his hands through his hair slowly. His back rises and falls as he takes deep breaths. Slowly, his taut muscles relax, and he sits up straight. Turning to me again, he reaches for my hands. When I pull them back slightly, he drops his hands back into his lap and sighs. "Meri, you... They..."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, tears soaking my eyes and dropping down onto my hands.

Why am I crying? I can take this punishment like an adult. I made yet another good person mad. This is what I deserve. Somehow, my heart just won't accept that explanation with Milan.

He reaches out and tilts my chin up, wiping away my tears tenderly. I see tears glinting in his eyes through the haze of my own tears. "Meri," he whispers, his voice so gentle it breaks my heart. "Meri, you shouldn't ever accept that kind of treatment. It's okay to be upset about it. I admire you for being so forgiving, but sometimes I honestly don't believe you're forgiving them. You just think you deserve their treatment, don't you?"