Consumed

Chapter 7: Meri

 I fiddle with a loose thread on my backpack, trying to avoid looking at Milan as he drives. The uncomfortable silence blanketing the car stifles me. Plus, when I get back, my mom is going to light into me for this. She'll freak if she notices I'm gone. Granted, she was fairly wasted last night, and she's probably even worse now, but I can't count on that to keep her from realizing that I didn't spend the night freezing.

The last thing I want to do is make her even more upset. She's already unstable, and I might push her into committing suicide or something. She hates it when people try to nose their way into our business. I don't like it either, but it makes her hysterical. Due to that, I avoid letting anyone know about our personal lives if possible.

Last night was necessary. You need help. You needed a place to stay.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Milan asks.

He's already expressed a desire to help me. I want to push him away, but I also want to say yes. Embarrassment still simmers deep in my belly over my behavior last night. In my defense, I was terrified and disoriented due to the nightmare. He seemed like a safe spot. Now, I'm back to my usual fear of men. Well, to be fair, I'm afraid of almost everyone, regardless of gender. But you would be too if you could see how worthless you were to everyone. How expendable you are to them, and what a mess you make of their lives. You'd want to stay out of the way and be invisible too if that's what you thought about yourself.

"Meri, I know you're scared, and I know you want to help your mom. I understand how much you care about her. It's admirable. But your mom needs professional help."

I stiffen, staring out of the window on my side. Pressing my lips together, I refuse to speak.

"Please, let me help. Maybe we can get her help for the alcohol and drug problem? And if she's having issues mentally, we'll find her help. My mom would help us too." His knuckles are white as he grips the steering wheel tightly.

Shaking my head, I look up at his face. It's full of vulnerability and fear for me. No one has ever cared so much about me. I don't know what to do with it. Everyone around me keeps me in my place using manipulation and abusive behavior. He makes me feel both loved and worthless without any of those things. The simple fact that he cares so much makes me feel horrible. I'm not worth his love. I'm not worth even his attention.

He deserves better than me.

"You can't let her stay like this, Meri. I know you love her and feel like this is a fight solely meant for you. But it's not. You don't have to go it alone," he murmurs, keeping his focus on the road as he pulls onto the street where our high school is located.

I remain silent, mulling the offer over. Really, I'm not sure why I'm even considering it, but for the first time since this started, I actually want the help. I want to say yes to Milan. But the words won't come out.

He parks the car and unbuckles, turning to look at me. His eyes look wet in the bright winter sun. "Please..."

Biting my lip, I grab my bag, unbuckle, and get out. Then, before he can do anything, I race for the front doors of the school.

"Meri!" His forlorn shout echoes across the school yard, but I keep running.

***

"Miss Yanamari? Can you please tell me what year World War 2 started?" My history professor stares at me expectantly over his wide, horn-rimmed glasses.

I blink at him, disoriented. Ever since this morning, I've been in a daze. Nothing quite makes it through the fog blanketing my mind. Normally, history is one of my better classes. Not so much today. All I can think about is Milan's sad expression when I ran from him, my mom's drunk shouting last night, and the nightmares that lurk in my dreams.