Consumed

Chapter 18: Meri

I curl up on my bed and bury my face in my pillow as the tears come in a rush. My ability to hold myself together when Milan came to find me was weak at best, and when I finally saw his face and heard his voice, I couldn't do it. I couldn't lie to him without bursting into tears, so I ran instead.

My door creaks open.

"Leave me alone," I sob. "Haven't you done enough to ruin my life already? Aren't you happy yet?"

Petre pads across the carpeted floor and sits down on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," I mumble, and I'm being honest.

I really can't bring myself to care if Petre feels remorse for hurting me like he has. He's not letting me go, so in my books, he's not really sorry. Even if he is, it doesn't matter. The consuming pain in my soul is the only thing that matters. I wrap my arms around myself, shying away from him when he tries to touch my arm.

"Meri..." His brown eyes are sad.

"Leave me alone," I whisper, my gaze going distant as I stare at the wall blankly. Tears slide unhindered down my cheeks, and I lay still. When he reaches out again, I don't move. I just stay still, unable to bear any more.

Weariness pulls at me. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of trying to be brave and kind. Most of all, I'm tired of losing everything I care about the minute I have a reason to live.

"I didn't know he was coming. I thought you'd want to see him one last time."

"So that I could lie to him about being here of my own volition?" My eyes shut as he takes my fingers in his hand and squeezes them.

"You came back of your own volition. If you didn't want to be here, why come back?"

"Because I had to!" I finally snap, sitting up and shoving him away from me. "I came back because I knew you would never let me be. I came back because I love him, and I knew that you'd hurt him if I didn't return. I did it for my mother too because I can't just give up on her. Now I see that she's finally happy and turning her life around. She doesn't need me anymore to heal because she loves you." I shove him again. "She loves you, and you've chosen to force your affections upon me instead. Why don't you try loving your wife instead?" I hiss.

He stares at me and then down at my hands, which are still pressed to his chest in mid shove. My chest heaves as I take deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. "I never thought I could hate anyone, but you've proven me wrong. I hate you for ruining my whole life. Maybe I should be thanking you for helping my mother, but I know you didn't do it for her, so how can I?" My words tumble out, and I can't seem to stop them even though I'm beginning to hyperventilate and cry as I talk.

The whole room takes on a surreal quality, and I jerk my hands away from him. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I rest my head on my knees and rock back and forth. "Please just go..." I whimper. "I can't do this anymore... Let me go..."

Petre stands up. "Are you going to be okay if I leave? You won't commit suicide?"

"Like you care..." The anger is back, and I wonder if I'm actually mental like Petre said I was a month ago. I get off the bed, not caring what's right or wrong anymore. "I'm more likely to slit your throat first, you pig. Maybe then I can be happy." I try to slap him.

He catches my wrist before I can and tugs me against him. "Stop, Meri. I'm not hurting you right now. I promised you that I'd wait if you wanted me to. I'm giving you a place to stay, and there aren't very many stipulations attached. Now can you please be grateful instead of forcing me to put up with this asinine behavior? Since when have you yelled, shoved, and hit people?"