Submit, Alpha

Submit, Alpha #17

"Most of the time our bickering ends in making out, which I don't mind what's so ever." ~Kane

SUBMIT ALPHA #17

He hadn't stopped holding my hand since I got dressed. He didn't seem nervous at all, not like I was. Hospitals always made me nervous for longer than I can remember. He didn't say anything when the receptionist at the front greeted me by my name. Nor did he say anything when we were instantly ushered into the extremely exclusive private wing of the hospital.

He didn't say anything until I started hyperventilating.

"Nicollet. Are you okay?" He stopped walking and pulled me to the side of the hall, though it wasn't necessary, there was almost no one insight. His hands rested heavily on my shoulders, his eyes penetrating mine. "You don't have to share anymore for the day if it is too much for you."

Swallowing loudly, I kept eye contact. "I have to get this off my chest. I've held this for so long." I suddenly took down my wall. I could feel the bags underneath my eyes begin to show and the heavy slump of my shoulders. "I just don't want you to see me differently."

"Nicollet." I didn't look at him when he said my name. "Nicollet, please look at me."

My eyes felt heavy as I look up at him.

"I'm not gonna think differently of you. I'm in for the long haul." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, laying a gentle kiss on the side of my head.

We had stopped in front of the door I had come to known. The door I hated walking through.

"This is it."

I slowly pushed the door open, holding my breath. Would he understand?

The room was white. This room was the reason I hated the color white. The stark white lights, the white tile floors, the white bed, and the deadly white paleness of her skin. In that white bed laid my best friend. An IV stuck in her hand, her dark hair fanning out on the pillow, it was not the way I ever wished to see her.

"Who is this?" Kane asked me softly.

My eyes remained fixated on her. "Raya." I whispered her name, some part of me hoped she would hear it and wake up.

"Do you want to tell me about her?" I noticed how he didn't ask what happened or why we were here. I turned to look at him and noticed he was looking at me. His eyes filled with concern and kindness.

I let him grab my hand and lead me to the couch near the bed. Leaning on him I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "She was, is, my best friend. She was in the first pack I was in, Wolfsbane pack."

He said nothing, just held me and ran his hand down my back. I didn't want him to say anything. If he did I might not have been able to go on.

"The Alpha's son was a few years older than us," I started envisioning the past. "He had his eyes set on Raya. He was trouble from the start. I tired warning her, she wouldn't listen. She thought he was the one."

I looked over to the bed where she laid. I felt my eyes began to sting. "She was 17 and I was about to turn 17. I hadn't phased yet. People picked on me for it. Raya had a way of just knowing things. She told me I would turn out better than any one of the losers that picked on me. She had started this secret fling with the soon-to-be Alpha. She was so sure that when she would turn 18 she would be his mate. A few months after their relationship started a girl we knew turned 18 and boom, she was the Alpha's mate. Not Raya. He wanted to keep her as a side chick even when he had his mate."

Kane whipped a tear off my cheek. I hadn't realized I had began crying. When I started talking again I hiccuped between words. "A few nights later Raya went to meet up with him in the woods. She was gonna tell him it was over. He had always been a possessive, obsessively overbearing guy. I was in the woods with her. Although I only went half way to the meeting spot. She had told me to wait behind, she wanted to do it on her own. I knew she was in trouble, I should have went with her." I buried my face into my hands. Trying to block the images that were coming to mind. "I was waiting when I heard the scream. I smelt her blood and I lost it. I shifted for the first time. All I saw was red. I couldn't think. When I had gotten to the clearing where they were meeting up there was so much blood. He was in wolf form attacking her. I tackled him. You should have seen his face. The runt of the pack attacking him. The Golden Wolf was the runt they all picked on. I beat him pretty badly. I got a taste of his blood and nearly destroyed him. I was so close to killing him, but I realized I was just like him now. I attacked and I didn't stop. I am a monster."