Subjugated

Chapter Two: Tense and Heavy

  After my outburst, we sit for a few moments in a silence tense and heavy with all the unsaids. My brothers continue to eat, barely looking up from their food, not caring what's going on. I eat, barely chewing and barely tasting, while staring at my father contemptuously.

  My father decides to break the silence by saying, "So that you two can learn to get along, our families will be going together on a trip to the great Canterbury Church, where the Holy Archbishop, Thomas Becket, died. Maybe you will find something in common and get along instead of fighting like children."

   I  feel like yelling, "The only thing we have in common is how miserable we will be in our sham of a marriage." Feel like saying, "We fight like children because we ARE children. Finn is 17. Brendan is 20. Why not marry the older children off first?" But instead of saying anything, I nod obediently. Despite the fact that inside I'm a churning pot of rage, I decide the wisest thing to do is just be quiet, because I will never win. Father will always tell me that no one marries for love anymore, or that we will eventually love each other. Not that I believe it.

  While I clean off our plates, I think about what Father said about going to Canterbury Church. All of a sudden, the gears of my mind start turning. Desmond has a lot of siblings. If his whole family is coming and my whole family is coming, then they wouldn't notice if one person is gone? So, what if I ran away on the trip? Got away from everything? Lived all alone, in some hut, without oppressive fathers or obnoxious brothers? And that's when I decide it: I'm running away.

  I realize that I'll have to act just as I usually do, so that they won't get suspicious. After cleaning up, I go in to our parlor, where a fire is lit. My father is sitting in a rocking chair, discussing the new lord of our fief with my brothers. I mend some clothes while eavesdropping on their conversation. I realize with disgust that my brothers have food in their beards, little bits of brown food peeking out amongst their blond scruff. I point it out to them, and my father grumbles at me to go back to work and leave my brothers alone. I feel lucky that I didn't get hit for being impertinent. I mend a few more pieces of clothing, and when my father has fallen asleep, I too go to sleep for the night, wishing that I could wake up tomorrow morning anywhere but here.