the last TANGERINES before silence

Mechanical Vocabulary Lessons With Steve at Sears

CHAPTER FOUR

The working theory is that Buoy probably wandered away from the protection of the student teacher and the substitute that were entrusted with supervising this academic scavenger hunt and class picnic.  His parents say he is very smart, but no parent goes on television and says their kid is a paste-eating, window-licker, do they?  Mr. & Mrs. Wilson have good reason believe that Buoy will do just what they’ve taught him; to stay put if they ever got seperated.  He knew to stay in the exact place he was when he noticed he was lost.  The family has an emergency plan and unlike most families, they have actually practiced it with all family members.  In fact, once, pulling a prank, his older cousin Katie-Beth told him that his dad was looking for him in the tool section of Sears. The cousin told him that his dad was looking for "buckets of steam". 

Mrs. Wilson was helping her colorblind, fashion neophyte husband choose a suit and two ties. Mr. Wilson was actually trying on a new suit. She was going to make certain that her husband didn't get victimized by the sadist, bitchboy sales associate that artisticly arranged the last ensamble. Who wears a green and white horizontal striped shirt with a pink and orange vertical tie, under a mustard colored dinner jacket? If Rainbow Brite didn't get him there was the terminally-perky assosicate named Georgia that always rubbed his arm and repeated his name. Somehow Georgia O. Theif always convinced him that he needed the most expensive suit, three tailored shirts and many, many ties.  

So the kids were instructed to look at toys isles and pick one, if they behaved they'd each get a toy.  She employed a neat trick to keep from spoiling the little crumb-snatchers. It keeps them agreeable, too. The rules: Stay in the price range $5.00-$10-00. Take your time to examine all the toys pick one that you'd like to keep. Then pay very close attention to what your siblings choose. That was the key; mom drew names to see which child would make the final decision for their sibling. If any of the kids misbehaved the toy would be chosen, purchased and donated to the woman's shelter. Buoy was really good at this game, too. He could remember in detail, what the others wanted, even second and third choices. It was important to him, but he knew he could find dad, so he ran toward the tool section.  He knew just where to go because dad let him tag along last month when he had four new tires put on the van.  He looked up and down all of the isles of the tools department, even peeked out the automatic doors, he jumped back when the big doors opened.  He gave up so he went to the register and sat quietly on the floor, out of the way.  

"Hey there Opee Taylor", the man wearing a Sears uniform said. He had somekind of black juice in the corners of his mouth. He was talking like he had water in there.  He recognized the boy, no one would forget that hair.

"I'm not, Opee Taylor. Who is he though? People say that, the older kids at the farm co-op call me that." Buoy asked, a little miffed. He was pretty sure it was some sort of insult or joke at his expense.

The man used his index finger to swipe between his lower lip and his yellowed teeth, removing a big wad of cat puke. "GrossAllMightly Mister, why would put cat yak in your MOUTH?" Buoy asked, expressing all the disgust he could muster at seven. Wrinkling his nose, he remembered what mom and his teachers have taught him so he looked at his shoes  for a moment and then, "I'm Buoy Wilson. It's nice to meet you. I am sorry, it was rude to judge; if you like the taste of cat yak, it's ok with me.  My mom hates brocoli but she cooks it for me sometimes when I want it. Dad likes cooked cabbage.  She hates it, too. Mom says it smells like feet or boildaaazz, whatever that is."

Steve chuckles a bit, "Son, this here ain't no cat yak!  The only thing cats are good for is shark bait. You hook 'em right between..." trailing off and looking sheepish he tried another track, "This here in my mouth was sumpin you ought never do, ye hear me? It's called dip. I'm not sure why it's called dip because it's just smashed up tobacco wadded together. Might be cause back in olden times, proper ladies and gentlemen carried the powered tobacco in small fancy porcilin boxes and they had to dip out enough snuff to use. Them fancy boxes came in all different shapes and stuff; animals, flowers, animals painted pretty.  They're valuble now. Real collectible-valuable stuff. But It's really not healthy. I mean look at my teeth and it could give you mouth cancer.  I should quit. Yeah I'ma quit as soon as this can is empty. I'm tired of getting tobacco juice everywhere. Steve" my name is Steve and Opie Taylor was the sheriff's son in Mayberry but now he's all grown up and is a famous movie director."

Buoy was always told to never interupt, so he stood quietly thinking about all the things that Steve was saying and then he remembered that he was suposed to find something. What was it? He wanted a new game, any game. Heatherly wanted a wire basket for her bike, air pump or a jumbo markers. Emerson wanted the artist pack, a new bike helmet, or a filler roll for the art easle. Lynnifer wanted the Monster High Dolls; vampire, werewolf or frankstein.  Watson was still a baby so he's not included yet. Bratty cousin Katie-Beth wanted...thinking...OH Katie wanted me to find dad and help him find the steam.  

When Steve finished speaking the boy appeared to be solving a math problem, silently. Maybe an algebra problem.  "Sir, can you help me find the steam? My dad needs two buckets of steam,"

Ok maybe this kid was mentally picking his nose, he thought. So he tried to help, "There ain't no such thing, young Buoy! Now run along back to mom and be a good 'Buoy' ya hear? [ha ha he] Don't be a mean 'Buoy' or a bad 'buoy'!  Ah now don't go a putting on the pouty mouth son. Whoever told you to find a bucket of steam, should know that it's back in the warehouse, [sniggers] along with the electric punch, spotted paint and the gasket wratchets. [hoots of laughter] as he continued, Big Foot's been out sick, so Yeti's going to deliver it the day after pigs fly. [Giggles between BOOMS OF LAUGHTER giggles BOOMS OF LAUGHTER] for three full minutes. 

Buoy became keenly aware that he had cheeks, a sensation that meant he should be ashamed, embarrassed or humiliated. He knew the man having a laugh at his expense, by subitituting his name for the word 'boy' and something to do with Bigfoot and pigs.  Irratated with the abuse he stood to strech his legs, he moved several feet from the spot where he'd been.  Buoy saw his mother before she saw him.  The expression on her face and the frantic way that she looked from ilse to ilse, made it clear that she was terrified. 

"Mom! I'm over here", he said it very quickly without shouting or getting excited. "I can tell you,re worried mom.  I'm so sorry  but I did what you told me; when I got lost, I stayed exactly in the spot where I got lost. Mr. Steve from Sears, was telling me all about Opie Taylor, tabacco dip, cats being good shark bait, valuble snuff, lukoplaekia,  how swapping "Buoy for boy" can be real funny,  about elctric punches, spotted spray-paint, electric punches, gasket wratchets and about Bigfoot & Yeti working hard to get the tools will be here tomorrow!" Whew, he talked fast about how much Steve was teaching him. 

Maybe mom would count this as an extra credit?  Mom loves for us to learn about other people.  Maybe he hasn't ruined the chance that his siblings and cousin are going to get a toy, even if he wouldn't get a game.  

Buoy's mom's face changed from "dangerous Lioness prowling to his Mom the academic, where she'd been on the prowl for the person responsible for her son's unauthorized absense now she was herself; Mom was her normal life-loving, patient, prepared & tolerant. She only ever got angery if she was fighting as an activist to make the world a better place for her children. She was the kind of mom that made their babyfood from scratch, no chemicals or preservitives, all organic; because she was a hippy mom.  His hippy mom.  She smelled like home as she smothered him into her arms and alternately kissed or stroked his hair. So estastic about him not actually being harmed, Mr. & Mrs. Wilson decided each child would get a toy and that each of them would get some candy before splurging on supper at Pizza Hut.  That was a rare treat because of how greasy it was.  After they stopped at a local woman's shelter so that Katie-Beth could place her new, un-opened gift to charity as punishment for her dangerous prank.