The Pain - Rucas

Chapter 4: Valentines

RILEYS POV

It has been a few months since the big talk we all had and I've been putting on a fake smile everyday. It's hard seeing him with her being happy. I know I did the right thing, but why don't I feel good? The days go by seeing them hugging and holding hands through the hallway. Life is cruel but I'll have to keep going. I may fall, I may cry, but I have to try. Valentine's Day is coming up and I'll probably be staying home and eating chocolate. This year it's on a Saturday so I don't have to be at school. Yes! Either way they are probably going to be posting something about it. Last week Charlie Gardner asked me out to the Valentines dance which is Friday. I said yes because I've got nothing to lose so ok. I have a journal I keep in side the secret compartment in the wall. Today I wrote:

February 10, 2016

Tears well up in her eyes
But she can't cry

Someone may discover
Her smile is a disguise

~Riley

People always think I am this happy ray of sunshine, but not all people are happy just because they are smiling. I wish I knew what love was. I want to have it. I once did but I let it go. You were the lover I let go to soon. I can't do anything but watch from the sides and see you with her. Usually the person who says nobody cares about them, has the most people caring about them. I fight for others I forget about myself. I wonder if I'm worth it, but no matter what happens I have to believe in myself, when no one else does. I know this may sound stupid but this could be the thing that makes someone's day. I am sorry if you don't like this, but I am writing about something I think is a very important topic. Ugh, now I'm sounding like my dad. I don't have many friends except food. I should probably interact and make more friends. Another fake smile hiding behind tears and sadness.

There are many hints that people love but I'm not one of them. One things that can't runaway is food and my bed. Ahhh perfect day, but imperfect life.

I don't know what I should do next but cry. I cannot cry. Hold the tears back you do it all the time. I guess I should go to bed. Tomorrows a new day.

The next day

I wake up to my annoying alarm clock pounding and telling me I have to wake up right away. I get up, go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I comb my hair and put it in a side braid. I put a small amount of make up on; blush, mascara,and some lip gloss. I pick out my outfit. Casual jeans and a pink t-shirt, with black vans. I go down stairs and my mom made bacon and eggs. I grab a piece of bacon and run out the door. I go on the subway by myself . Oh yeah, today Maya is going to school with Lucas. I wish I had a genie that made my dreams come true. I get off and head off to school.

I walk into the building and go to my locker. I go to history class but am pulled in a janitors closet. You wouldn't believe who it was. Lucas! Why did he do this. "What do you want?" I say. "Well good morning to you too."he says sarcastically. "What do you want?"

"Well I was going to ask you what I should get Maya for Valentine's Day, I mean you're her friend and know what she likes."

"I can't help you in that department. She's kind of picky, but I sure she'll like whatever you get her."

"Ok, thanks for no help at all. I'm dead"

"Fine, has been talking about this necklace with an infinity sign, with two names incrested in it."