Everything I Can't Have (On Hold)

Everything That I Can't Have

Chapter 1

Freshmen: Amethyst 

"I slept with him" I admitted for the first time out loud. I covered my face to hide my shame. I could feel my makeup smudging from coming in contact with my sweaty palms.

"With who?" Melissa asked confused. This was a new concept to us and a big deal.

"Victor. I- I slept with Victor." I said.

She was silent for a while. Probably lost for words as was I. I refused to move my hands and look up at her face. I couldn't imagine what she thought of me.

"I'm such a slut" I said feeling my eyes fill up with tears.

"You're not a slut." She said grabbing my shoulder. "Now tell me how you went from going to homecoming with him to sleeping with him." Melissa said bluntly.

I mustered up the courage to move my hands and look at my friend's face. She looked well put together for how late it was. Her blonde curls were still up in a bun but were really messy. She smiled at me sympathetically. I sighed deeply and told her the story.

"After the dance he asked me to come and chill with him in the hotel room."

"He had a room in the hotel?" She asked interrupting. 

"Yeah, anyways so we were sitting on the bed, watching TV and... It just happened." I shrugged not knowing how to describe the moment from a few hours ago.

"You guys used protection right?" She asked, her brown eyes widened with fear and concern.

"Yes I'm not that stupid." I said rolling my eyes.

"Ok so what's the problem?" She asked. I'd only given her surface details. "Amethyst, were in the 9th grade now. It's normal to have sex. I just didn't think you'd beat me to it." She said jokingly.

"This is no joke Melissa." I said with authority growing in my voice. She looked at me stunned and confused. I sighed. "After we did it he just said thank you and took me home and shook my hand."

"What?" She looked even more lost. "Did you call him?" 

"Yes and he just said 'You're a great friend' and talked to me as if it didn't happen. If I brought it up he just said 'It was fun. Thanks for letting me be your first' that's it" I said depressed.

"Don't cry" Melissa said reaching for a tissue. I looked down and saw a teardrop fall from my cheek to my blue homecoming dress. 

I sobbed knowing that this wouldn't help me get my virginity back. 

"I just let him have it" I cried. "I'm pathetic." I curled up into a ball on my bed. I just wanted this night to end.

"It's okay." Melissa said wiping away my tears. "It's over now" If only that was true. This was the beginning.

Freshmen: Victor

Amethyst Andrews-Check

She left her earring in the bed after she left. I twiddled the small seashell stud in my hand. I sighed and placed it in my drawer. I laid in my bed staring at the wall. I wanted to feel proud, I wanted to feel something. But, all I could do was replay the events of that night.

Amethyst's face. Was all I could see in my mind.

She nervously scratched her ear as we headed up to the room. Her pretty face cringing slightly when I first entered her. She kept her green round eyes on me the whole time. Trusting me to be careful. When it was over she glanced at my face and smiled slightly. She thought that this was a new beginning but, I knew it had to be the end.