State of Confusion

Chapter 5

- ANA -

Life goes on...

That's how the old saying goes. That life goes on with or without. The funny thing about life is that no matter how content you are with it, it just simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Life has its own agenda and sometimes it's a downright bitch when it comes to its reasons, like why bad things happen to good people.

It had been a thought that had crossed Ana's mind many times since she had made her grand entrance back to this life. Had she thrown off the balance of some higher being that sought revenge in the cruelest form? Or was it fate that led her in those early hours of the morning as dawn broke the horizon and coasted her through the deserted intersection only to have her life nearly shattered at the hands of a drunk driver? Either way, the memory haunted her and frequented her mind on most days as she tried to heal the broken pieces of her body and mind.

The external bumps and bruises had begun to fade but the internal ones had not. While slowly each day her body mended back to normal little by little, it was her mental and emotional state that had not left the hospital bed.

Ana illuminated the screen on her phone. As the time and date appeared before her, she mentally made note that it had been only two weeks since she had last resided in her tiny room of Northwestern Hospital. A place that not only provided her with her first full-time job but the opportunity to do what she loved, which was helping the sick and injured. She never imagined how the tables would turn and find herself lying in one of those many hospital beds begging for her life. It was always meant to be the other way around. A chill shivered down her spine at the thought.

At this rate, she would lose her mind with the allotted time her recovery process had brought her. It didn't just end as she left the revolving doors from the main lobby. She knew that better than anyone else. In order to heal from what she had been through, it would take time, and now, she had all the time in the world. 

With her temporary leave of absence from work under the strict orders from the head physician, she was stuck inside the four walls of her brownstone apartment that she shared with Kate. It left a lot of time to watch bad daytime television and the chance to pick up novels she had once shelved for later. But more than anything, it left her time to think and lately she had been doing a lot of that.

As if on cue, her gaze transferred from an accented throw pillow to another object in the room. An object that set her mind on fire. There it was. The reminder of a man and a moment that she could not quite shake as it sat in the center of her coffee table.

About one week ago, it showed up at her door just like the rest. A beautiful arrangement of pink, purple, and white orchids displayed in a vase with a small white card attached. She sighed at the thought of her apartment becoming a makeshift flower shop as so many family and friends wished her well. It was kind, but with the abundant amount of floral arrangments she had collected, it was a bit overwhelming. Not to mention, the counter, table, and window space had become minimal. Where in the world would she put all of them? However, this particular bouquet only made it as far as the coffee table as the name inscribed on the card halted her pulse and her movement. How dare he!

The name in bold, neatly printed letters belonged to a man she had tried to forget. A man she resented for what he had done to her. A man clearly who was not ready to let her move on as she so wished. Ana felt the tension in her body rise as she stared at the lovely colors that enticed her to new and alarming feelings that occasionally bubbled in her stomach at the thought of Christian Grey. Feelings that stemmed from somewhere deep inside a pocket of her brain that she tried to avoid.

As she quickly diverted her trip down memory lane back to the present, she exhaled a deep breath. She should have put the bouquet somewhere less visible, like on the window ledge where all the other bundles of assorted flowers occupied. It even would have looked nice in a corner of the kitchen, but no, she placed them smack dab on a table in a room where she would pass them every day. The obvious thing she should have done was dispose of them all together. This particular bouquet should have been tossed in the trash the second she discovered who it was from. Clearly, it had been a kind and simple gesture sent out of guilt. More than anything it was an invasion of privacy. How in the world did he know where she lived? The fire he fueled inside the pit of her stomach was lit again. A man of his kind probably had resources to find out those sort of things, or he had charmed the pants off of a nurse who checked her records. Either way, she hated the fact that he had crossed the line with this so-called thoughtful gift.