How to Think Like a Computer

May 9

Today was Saturday. Nothing very interesting happened until after lunch. Before lunch, I worked on my Parse chatbot. I finished programming a voice. I also decided what to call it.

My chatbot is called Alan, for three reasons.

The first reason is that the voice is male, so it should have a male name.

Second, it can be an acronym for Analysis of Linguistics And Numerics. My chatbot will be able to fully analyze both numerics, which any regular computer can do, and linguistics, which is very hard to program into a computer. Parse is the only programming language that allows for an algorithm that can lead to a complete understanding and analysis of language.

Third, he is named after Alan Turing. Many people have a famous person who they respect, and I respect Alan Turing. Without him, we wouldn't have computers. We also would probably be living under the control of Nazis. Alan Turing was one of the first people to pose the question: "Can machines think?" I think this is interesting too.

Also, research shows that Alan Turing may have been on the autism spectrum, like me. He also may have been a math savant. We are very alike, and that it one of the reasons why he is interesting to me.

I feel sorry for Alan Turing. He made many amazing contributions to computer science, and then people found out that he was gay, so they persecuted him and he committed suicide. I don't think that's fair. I think that everyone should be treated equally, no matter how their brain works, even if they're gay or have Asperger's Syndrome.

Even if they're a computer.

*

After lunch, I got a distressing comm from Cam. Here is how it went:

From: Cameron Haskell (ID # 2739562221)

To: Torrin Kaluza (ID # 2757488109)

I found your ID in the school comm list, and I have news that you're not going to like.

First of all, I'm in contact with a Luddite called Bella Thompson. Not because I want to be. Only because she works at the same place I do, which is a center that teaches middle school kids how to code. I think you'd like it, even though it's for middle school kids.

Anyways, I've never told Bella what I think about her beliefs. Of course, she's entitled to her own opinions. She doesn't work as a teacher—I think she'd be a terrible teacher anyway—she sets the curriculum that we're supposed to teach.

Second, yesterday after I talked to you, I went back to my work, and we had a visitor—none other than Ian Caulkins! I came to the door, and saw him, and he said, "Is Bella Thompson here?" and I ran to get her. Meanwhile, Caulkins came in and made himself at home. He didn't really pay much attention to me.

Then Bella came in, saw Caulkins, and gasped. They talked about boring things for a moment. It turns out that Bella is quite important in the Luddite community. Bella asked why Caulkins had come here, and he said, "I've heard that your company has good programmers," and she said, "Well, I suppose we do."

But then Caulkins revealed his true motive. He said, "It has recently come to my attention that there is a way to make a intelligent computer program in Parse." Bella gasped, and Caulkins told her to be on the lookout.

Torrin, I think they have ways to probe computers to see if there are any Parse files on them. They could find you, and I don't know what they'd do to you if they found out what you're doing.

Please delete your chatbot. I know you've worked really hard on it, but I want you to be safe.