Give In

Us, Inside the Box

I leaned over the middle compartment to get a better look out the passenger window, my hand landing on the box from Weiss in the passenger seat.

"Oh." I picked up the box and then in a split second decision, got out of the car and climbed up to the tower where I sat curled in the entrance of the rainbow slide. I silently thanked God for there being a roof over this tower. It was mostly dry, just a little more than chilly.

I pulled off the lid of the shoe box and instantly gasped. He kept everything. Everything. I picked through the box, remembering most of it. Others I didn't have a clue about.

A bracelet I made him in arts and crafts in second grade because I didn't have a girl best friend to give one to.

My broken wand from Halloween... I laughed, despite everything. I had been a fairy princess that year. I hadn't wanted to. I wanted to be a cowgirl because Weiss was being a cowboy. Weiss had actually gone back inside when I showed up and put on a wizard hat instead of his cowboy hat. He also stole his younger brothers magic wand from his magic set. I remember I had hugged him when he came back outside. Our parents had laughed at us. My wand though.... I was....oh yes! I was running it along the white picket fences where it got caught and snapped. Weiss had offered to trade. And since I was a brat, I graciously accepted. I don't even know what happened to that wand... I'm sure he got in trouble for that, since it was his brothers wand and all.

I shook my head and dug further into the box. Pictures I drew for him. Pictures of us. Us on that school trip to the mountains. Us making funny faces, our signatures faces. Us just being dorks...and then me...just me. Me and me and me. He had caught me when I wasn't paying attention; reading books, playing with my hair, kissing other guys even. The smiles I had...the looks I gave...the emotions he caught. He had them all.

I turned one of Weiss and I over, where he was looking at me so intently, and so lovingly that it hurt too much to look at. I was surprised to find his beautiful hand writing. 'August 5. I almost kissed her today. It was too much. She's too beautiful.'

I began flipping over photos and found writing on each.

'January 16th. She got a new boyfriend! Yay for her! I kind of like Jared. He treats her nice...' Jared was nice...too nice...turned out to be a pig in the end. I hadn't told Weiss though in fear that he'd try to beat Jared up.

'Wisdom tooth day! Lol. She's a total knockout even with the puffy cheeks and being hyped up on laughing gas.' Oh my gosh, I'm hideous.

'God...I just love her.' I was reding

'He's a dick. But of course she won't listen.' Robert.... He was right on that one.

Over and over I read his captions to each picture. Over and over he said he loved me or he was happy for me or I was beautiful or... Over and over he was perfect. He's so...so perfect.

Tears slipped down my cheeks as the realization hit me. I'm not even worthy of him. I can't even match his greatness.

I wiped at the tears and looked through the box more. At the very bottom I found a few old cassette tapes that you put into a camcorder. Man, they were old. I'd have to.... I didn't even know if we had one.

I pushed everything gently back into the box and climbed down from the play set. The rain was still coming down and I was chilled to the bone.

I needed to find something to watch these tapes.