The lost

Johnny

Tonight was the night I've ever been that brave. Holding hailee's hand was one of the best moments of my life, honestly. That made me wonder what it was like to kiss her. I'm going to wait till later, but still it couldn't help but cross my mind. Her smile, her laugh, the way she looked at me... They all made my heart beat fast. I wanna do something alone with Hailee, hangout out somewhere so we don't have to worry about the others. Or maybe we could all do something fun so we're not all paying attention to each other. I don't really like trying to pull my moves on a girl with others watching. But if she was my girl I wouldn't care and I'd show her off to everyone. Also, she's the only girl I've ever felt this way for so I don't really care as much.
I looked around where I was laying. I was in the lot, laying down on this seat to a car. I liked it at night, with all the stars and the moon. It was so peaceful unlike my mind. Everything kind of hits me heard, really. My parents making me feel unwanted, the socs, and not fitting in anywhere but with the gang. They actually made me feel like I belong somewhere. I've never really felt that way before. I've always been pushed around, no where to go, nowhere to hide. And above everything else I start to get angry. I always think to myself.. Why does nobody listen? Why does nobody look? There's so many things in front of them that they just don't care to see. They're so blind to theirselves and all the unimportant things.
And there's people like ponyboy, sodapop, dally, two-bit, Darry, Steve, and I who have been through things and have opened up their eyes to see these things. We all know what it's like to be mistreated, to be pushed around, having to go through things we shouldn't. The first time dally went to jail is when he was ten, not really having parents in his life at all, ponyboy's, sodapop's, and Darry'sparents have died in car wreck having them suffer through loss, ponyboy is lost just trying to figure his way around with everything, sodapop is always having to fake a smile just so everything can be ok, and really that's what makes it not ok, Darry works and gave up his chance to go to college just for his brothers, two-bit jokes around and even though that's his personality, underneath it at all those laughs are distraction from the pain, and Steve, well, he's always been a mystery to me really. He likes cars and is big and tough. But my guess is, under that big tough guy look is a gentle, loving, caring boy who doesn't really let anybody in because of fear.
Last but not Least, there's me. Johnny cade, the small and fragile one, the gangs "pet", the one everyone looks out for. Things at home aren't so great, things out school aren't so great, things outside of the two aren't so great. So really not a lot of things are so great. I could only list a few things that are good. One, I have friends that would do anything for me, and especially dally. Two, I've met the most wonderful girl in the world. Three, in the end it'll be ok.
I know after all these bad things happen, there will soon be a sun shining through the clouds. And I now somehow I will soon find it.