Last night I almost slipped
And those are the moments
That I hate the most
When I remember for
How long I've been strong
And in a few moments
It could be gone
And then my mind races
And my heart beats faster
When I imagine myself
With that blade again
Piercing my skin
Beautiful red comes out
Colors like red but
Looks like black
Races up and down my arm
Making a beautiful picture
On a ugly sheet of paper
And then my thoughts
Go to the bottle of
Whiskey hidden in my room
and I can see myself raising it
A quarter done with it and I'm
Thinking of you
Halfway and I'm thinking of me
Two thirds and it's every
Mistake I've made
3/4s and I'm in tears
Now empty and I'm thinking that
I should be dead.
And then it changes to me
Walking down the road
Headphones in and music on loud
Barely glancing at the cars I walk
And walk
Not bothering to care about the honks
Or glares
Then I see one that wouldn't stop
Not in time that is
But I don't care and continue
And now Im flying
And smile
Because I thought that's what I want
But then I open my eyes
and remember
It's been a long time
Since that last time
I wipe my eyes and put on my
Battle smile
It'll hurt in the mean time
But I know
More than anyone that
I can last a long time
Without my demons trying to
Get out again.
