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Chapter 9 - saudade

flashback

Very distinctly, I remember lying down in bed, looking up at the glow in the dark star-filled ceiling. Counting stars was so much better than counting sheep. A little excuse to replace the fact that I needed a night light. 

I couldn't list out how many times I ran through the memories again and again, trying to know where it all went wrong. 

They say memories are like broken pieces of glass, no matter how many times you've touched it, you could turn it around and around and there would always be an angle that would cut you. 

"Fuck off, nerd." 

It's status. Definitely. 

He started to see me how I saw myself and that was when everything changed. 

end

Taylor's POV

I stepped onto Lynn's Welcome rug scraping my sneakers from the mud. My hood was completely drenched from collecting all that drizzle, my brunette hair was dripping in the front, the back part was dry though mostly, my hands and shoes though, they were caked with mud. 

I looked like I just went to bury a dead body. Hm, too soon. 

I tried at the doorknob, locked. Okay, they're awake. The sun was slowly rising colouring the sky with pink and orange hues. 

Sighing, I reached up and rang the doorbell, yes I'm a little short. 

I heard shuffling inside, Lynn emerged, already changed into a pair of denim shorts and an oversized sweater. 

"Where on Earth were you?" 

"I was um - oh just seeing my old best friend's brother again who was out of town for a year for no apparent reason and who was also my brother's best friend and we went to the cemetery where he confused the shit out of me and I really need coffee- walking. I waved her off not really wanting to explain what just happened on the doorstep.

"Nothing? What the hell nothing? You look like you thought mud was the new chocolate!" 

I couldn't help but chuckle at her remark despite the situation.  "I'll explain later okay?"

I slipped off my dirty shoes and balanced them on my finger tips, lifting them by the back of them. I tiptoed past her trying to minimise the amount of dirt on the spotless floor. 

I was passing the kitchen to climb up the creaky stairs.

"MORNING TAY!"

"HEY THERE TAYLOR!" 

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Dorns." I forced myself to cheerfully say giving a little wave to prove it.

I ran back upstairs to avoid anymore questions. Lynn was hot on my heels, her converse creaking the stairs. 

We entered her room and she closed the door, locking it for good measure as I removed my muddy hoodie, wringing it a bit to inspect the damage. 

"Okay, spill." she said, crossing her arms across her chest. 

I held out my pointer finger to her before I went to her closet and pulled out a strapless black top and a pair of skinny jeans along with some black sandals that had a golden loops. 

"Okay" I took off my top, bra dry okay good.

"So it's going to be a long story, like super long." Pulling the top down from my neck.