The Hipsters

River

Crying really does things to you.

It makes you think about things, like the truth.

Like the truth about how I really feel about Silas. I'm just tired of running from him. We both know we still love each other, but everything's still too painful for me to admit it to him. I can be honest with myself, but not with him. How convenient.

Just in time to interrupt my thoughts, someone knocked on the door.

I got up and answered the door to see Silas, holding an envelope. I looked up at him, my mind racing, but to my surprise, my heart doesn't break. His eyes looked tired, all red and dark, like he hasn't been sleeping well. And that's when I realized that I was kind of relieved to know that he wasn't okay either.

I'm such a horrible person.

"You called me?", he asked in a disbelieving tone.

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Yeah. I was...uh...looking for you."

I grinned halfheartedly at him, in an attempt to make everything less awkward.

He grinned back. "Can I...uh...come in?"

It wasn't until he said that that I realized I was standing behind the door, blocking him from entering. I stepped back as he walked in, then put the envelope on the bed.

"Silas?", I call out to him. I shut the door behind me and sigh. I know it's not the best time to bring this up, but then again, there never really is a good time to tell your ex that someone kissed you.

"I need t-to tell you something. A friend kissed me. Before the trip. Right before I saw...you know. But I didn't kiss him back, I promise.", I admitted nervously. I didn't dare look up to see his reaction.

"And I have another confession. Right before I saw...you know... I watched HGTV without you. And I know that seems like a small thing, but I should've just came right to the flat, and I don't know, stopped you guys or something-"

"Beatrix, don't put that on yourself. It's not your fault that I was a complete idiot. And...even though I don't like it, I'm not mad that your friend kissed you. Again, it wasn't your fault. I cheated. You didn't.", he stepped closer to me, his voice soft.

He paused before speaking again. "Just out of curiosity...uh...what were you watching?", he asked, now directly in front of me.

"Love It or List It.", I admitted sheepishly, and chuckled to myself.

"What? You chose Hilary and David over me?", he smiled widely.

I laughed. "No. I don't even like Hilary. House Hunters was next, anyway."

With that, we both smiled at each other. As my eyes glazed over his face, I realized I never noticed how intriguing his eyes really were. They were beautiful but also unusually colored, seeing as both his parents had brown eyes.

"Were you crying today?", he asked me suddenly.

I nodded, slightly embarrassed. "Is it that obvious?"

"No, no, I just mean that...I mean, well, your eyes are kind of red. Are you okay?", he asked again, concern in his voice.

"Hazel and I...we 'had a row', at the Jenny Packham...whatever. I told her how I truly felt about all this, and also, that I hated her. And now I don't even know if I meant it. I'm just a mess, you know?", I replied, and rolled up the cuffs of my sweater.

He gave me a quick, smile but I could see the pain behind it. "It's all my fault.", he said quietly, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

I didn't counter it, because he was kind of right.