The estrogen coursing through me hurts more than acid. Being trans never ends. I wish little me had thought about this so I could've started my transition earlier. I didn't even know what transgender was when I was little. I feel like I have three versions of myself. First it was little, tomboy, happy me with she/her pronouns. Then you: teenage, confused, depressed, they/them pronouns me who hated yourself almost as much as I hate you. Now I'm me, hopefully not the last version. I'm still a work in progress but I'm farther than I have been. I have a girlfriend who has always accepted me for me, with all my weird little flaws. I can walk around topless outside; a scenario I've been dreaming of for a long time. I did extensive research on the surgery before even considering. Being able to breath fully while having a flat chest was worth every second of pain. I still plan to have bottom surgery but it will cost a lot and I'm not quite ready. Soon, I hope it's soon. I am a man. I can say that. If you were to see me, that would be the automatic assumption. It's an amazing thing to say. I'm finally able to believe that with confidence. It's what you dreamed of. I hate you, but I love what you became. If I could tell you one thing, it would be: you will eventually love yourself.
