Another Reason To Live (Watty Awards 2014)

Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

Instead of waking up and being thrown right back into my pool of sadness and loneliness that has been recently flooding my life, I woke up to an obnoxious sound that immediately made my already bad mood even worse.

My alarm clock.

On instinct, my hand flung out and smashed the snooze button several times before the repetitive whine finally died away. Then it hit me: I had to go back to school today. Alone. Back to square one.

I was right back to where I was two weeks ago – I was sad, I was alone, and I had to return to school. But this time was a bit different. I now had to face the music when my peers realized that it was me that tried to jump off of the roof several weeks ago. That would certainly result in endless jokes. Plus, I had to go to a therapist tomorrow, which was what I was trying to avoid in the first place. I was left with no one to talk to, no way to vent everything. Before, I had Gerard and my guitar. The guitar was still at the hospital because I had been too busy wallowing in self-pity to muster up the strength to even move.

I shoved my blankets off of me as the sense of a horrible day came to me. Great.

I walked across my room to my closet, where I fumbled around in the half-dark until I randomly collected a pair of black jeans and a dark purple tank top. Looks like I’ll be looking like a bruise today, which was exactly what I felt like. Dark, painful, and it was a constant reminder of pain.

Not even panicking when I realized that I only had ten minutes until the bus would arrive, I managed to slip on my clothes and run a brush through my hair. As I left my room and made my way down the stairs to the kitchen, I couldn’t help but feel like a robot. It felt like none of the movements I was making were human. Void of emotion. I didn’t even see the point in grabbing anything to eat before I left, but I knew that I would regret it if I didn’t. I would be starving by third period, because I, unlike robots, have to eat.

I grabbed my bag and walked out the front door into the chilly morning. The sun was barely making its way above the horizon, letting out a pathetic stream of sunlight onto the sidewalk. I sighed and walked down to the edge of the driveway and waited. I took a bite of an apple I had grabbed and chewed slowly, feeling sick to my stomach. I knew it was because of everything that was currently going on in my life, but maybe I could return home and somehow stretch the truth and convince mom to let me stay home sick?

But it was too late, as the damn bus rounded the corner and chugged along the road until it came to a stop three yards in front of me. The door slid open, so my feet carried me to it and made me walk up the three stairs until I was standing in the middle of the isle.

Not making eye contact with anyone, I walked down the aisle and sat down in the first empty seat I could find. I covered my ears with my headphones and listened to music. Maybe this was how I could survive the day: just keep your headphones on and ignore everyone else. Fuck them.

Ten minutes later, I was walking through the school’s front doors and down the hallway where my locker was. Everyone was moving past me in a rush to see their friends. I could hear squeals of excitement from the many groups of girls who acted like they hadn’t seen each other in a year. They probably hung out every day during break, yet they had to make a scene saying hello to their friends.

I finally made it to my locker and I managed to get it open before it was slammed shut again. Shit.

“How was your break, freak? I heard you had a nice kickoff to it, huh?”

I looked to my right to see the same guys who beat up Noah and I several weeks ago against Noah’s locker. I pressed my lips together and re-entered my combination and opened my locker, this time keeping it propped open with my leg.