teenagers

0.9

i rang chris from the hospital and told him what happened. he broke down in tears and had to be driven here by noah.

noah was hurt by this all but he was the newest addition to the group so he didn't know maxxie like we did.

the doctors tried to save maxxie, or at least that's what they said, but it was too late. 

cassie broke down in tears and left as soon as she found out, not wanting to be near maxxie's dead body any longer than she had to.

chris didn't know what to do with himself, he wouldn't touch or go near maxxie but he refused to go home.

i held onto maxxie, i refused to let go of him. even if it meant i would only be able to hold his hand. i was there when the heat left his body. i was there when the blood stopped flowing. i was there when he was officially announced dead. i only let go when the doctors had to take maxxie away from us.

that was when i sat on the floor in the corner of the waiting room with chris and noah sitting next to me.

we were all broken. even more than before. i didn't think it was possible to feel like this but i guess you never know unless you get that low.

it was hard to explain how i felt. it was like being locked inside a small building. there are so many different ways you could go but you could never escape. you would never know what would be around the corner, whether it was your own demon or one that belonged to someone else. it may not make much sense but that's what it felt like.

"excuse me" i looked up and saw one of the nurses that came to get maxxie from the park. "um, i found this paper next to your friend. i thought you should have it before someone else could find it and throw it away." he handed the sheet of paper to me with a small smile.

i tried my best to smile back before taking the paper out of his hand. i looked over at chris and noah.

"read it out loud. i want to hear what he had to say." chris said.

"no, we have to read it with cass. she deserves to hear it at the same time as us." i said.

"you're right. we should go to the park. i call her and tell her to meet us there." noah said.

so we went to the park, sitting where we usually do. cassie came not long after and cautiously sat next to noah.

"lucy you read it." cassie said.

"okay" i said, already feeling tears form in my eyes.

dear you guys,

i would say i'm sorry for this but then i would be lying to you all. i think i've lied to you for long enough.

i haven't been happy for god knows how long. my first attempt was when i was fifteen. after that i tried twice more. all three attempts failed, but this one will work, i can feel it.

cass- you were like a little sister to me. you were always there when i needed to talk to someone. i could come to you and you would be so open-minded, there was never any judgement. i could've told you i'd killed a man and you'd still go without judging me. thank you for all the advice and help you've given me. don't let this get you down, i don't want to be the reason you lose hope. keep working hard and get that spot in the art school you want to go to.

chris- i'm sorry for being a dick. i didn't mean it, i really didn't. you're the best friend a guy can ask for and i'm sorry we left things on such a bad note. i hope things go well with noah, you two are great together. i'm glad you moved in with lucy because it was easier to hang out with you. good luck with being an author mate, i know you'll be up there with J.K Rowling and John Green some day.

noah- i don't think i could've been meaner to you than i was today and i feel like such an asshole. i didn't mean any of it i promise. i know you're only seventeen and your relationship is still kind of new with chris i can honestly see you marrying him. you guys are so in love, even if you don't realise it yet. i know it'll go far. i haven't known you for that long but i know you're a great guy and you deserve to go far with your football.

lucy- i've been dreading writing this for you, that's why it's last. you're not fat. i can't believe i ever said that to you. you ended up in hospital because i said you were fat. you're beautiful and amazing and i didn't deserve a girl like you. please eat again. you have to, but don't do it for anyone else. eat for yourself, eat because you want to. i love you so much and i'm so sorry for everything i've put you through. 

i don't want you guys to forget me but i do want you all to move on with your lives. don't waste your time thinking about me and mourning over what's happened today. spend your lives making your dreams come true. be happy, find love, do what makes you feel infinite and never stop doing that thing.

i love you all so much

maxxie xx

:-)