petrichor ↠ j.jk

five

CHAPTER 5: LILY
21:30

"what's wrong?" jules asked me as we walked down the paved street to a friend's dorm. we were going to have a movie night but i told her that i would sleep on our own room. of course, her definition of sleep wasn't the same as mine.

"nothing," i told her. "why do you ask?"

jules shrugged.

"you just kind of seem out of it today."

and i was out of it. after what he told me last night, who wouldn't be? i hadn't told jules about it, though. it was weird, but i almost felt as if those nights were mine and his and mine and his only. i'd like to think that that was the one thing we shared that no one knew about.

"oh. well i'm fine," i told her.

tonight, i'll tell him about daisy. after talking to me about his dad, i think he deserved to know about daisy.

we watched some rom-com that jules had picked out and then i said goodbye and left. at 11:15 p.m, i set out to see him.

23:19

the harsh winter air outside was unyielding and no doubt i would soon catch a cold. i went inside the convenience store just across and bought two coffee, one for me and one for him.

"hi," i sniffled.

"hey," he greeted. i offered the coffee to him and he took it nonetheless.

"thank you."

we sat there while we drank our coffee. sure the coffee here isn't the best, but this is all they've got. i then turned and took a deep breath before talking.

"my sister's name is daisy. she was diagnosed with congested heart disease last year. and now she's.." he just listened as i continue. "she's gone."

he set his paper cup down and looked at me for the first time tonight.

"i would say i'm sorry, but i don't think you would want to hear that," he told me. i gave him a small smile but he didn't offer one back. the eight days that i had known him he hadn't smiled once. i was dying to know what looked like when he smiled; almost as much as i wanted to know his name. but like asking for his name, asking for a smile would be weird.

"how did you move on?" he asked all of a sudden.

"well, at first i couldn't. not that i didn't want to, but i simply couldn't. i couldn't because when a person leaves so much memories to remember, you can't just simply forget about them and let go. i'm still holding on to what she left me but you know what? life goes on. things end. people leave but the memories don't leave with them. i'm still coping up with it, i guess," i said.

"you know," he mused. "sometimes, holding on is much more hurting than letting go."

i blinked in realization, what could he possibly mean by that? silence settled around us as i listened to the sound of the whistling wind surrounding the whole area. one of the only bad things about this nights that once we are done talking, usually so was i. and i couldn't just sit there and stay silent for the rest of the time- that's too awkward. so i would have to leave. it just didn't feel that i got enough time to unravel him.

"you know what? you scare me," he muttered as soon as i got up.

"why?"

"because i tell you things i can't even tell myself."

a/n: he's so random lmao