(Things that make me feel more myself when I read them and understand that I wrote them, and they feel so important!)
"I'm a nothingness in the black shadows an insomniac sees in their room when they can't sleep," she said.
"And what makes you feel like you have the right to say that? Is it because every time you cave in to your wants, you feel selfish, like you're taking away from the earth and the good and God? Because you don't feel that way about your clothes, or food, do you? No; you've grown into it, you have to learn to grow into who you are, too, and see for yourself. That's just a fragment of your mind being tortured, a confused statement. Say again, WHO are you?"
I am a thousand years old, I can feel it but I can't reach it; I can't understand it and that frustrates me, surpassing stupidity and helplessness, I know anger very well. I don't get to see all of the life I've lived, I just get to carry it around and feel the heavy weight of it, and it's disappointing how betrayed I feel.
Surrounded by surface-dwellers, I find myself running to the depth
Of everything and staying there;
No one is aware.
Life is never fair.
I want to be sucked into a new realm
It's like the atmosphere makes me feel
As if I am a puddle and I am flowing across
The floor, up the walls
I'm pumping blood in people's hearts
I'm screaming inside
I have no fear, I just have to fall down
To the cool blue underground
I'll be lost for all this time,
Crossing paths and having laughs,
But who's to say I'll find my way out?
Maybe I'll just get more lost
As I continue on through the
Patterns, progressing toward the new
The strong;
What if my intuitions are entirely wrong
And I'll be lucky to find myself
Stuck in the middle of a maze
Contemplating where I should go
For hundreds of days
And if I fall down the right hole,
Get myself locked up in a tormented world
Where I'll be even more lost
And I don't escape because there's so much to see and new air to breathe and so many places to be,
Maybe I can just be
And then I'll feel like I really am me
