The Rabbit Hole

Chapter 4

Friday morning, the first of seven days of housesitting for the Bridgewater’s. A quick glance at the clock on my nightstand, “9:07 am” I still have some time before I can go to the Bridgewater’s residence. I need a little chat with my friend about my current situation, I’m still finding it heavy to choose whether to keep the baby or get rid of it. Maybe a little talk with Casey might put some things into perspective, set my mind on ease of knowing what to do. I speed dial Casey on my phone and listen as it rings. Three rings, no answer. Another five more rings and still no answer, then her voicemail. Maybe she’s still asleep, I’ll try her again a little later, probably after I take a shower.

I can’t help it. I can’t help but feel a strangeness as I stand beneath the warm strips of water as they slide down my naked skin when I take a shower. I can’t help but feel as if I’m not alone in here any more. There’s someone else in this shower along with me. I plant my hand on my belly to feel for a life, I can’t physically feel anything underneath my skin but I know someone is there. I close the running tap and step out of the shower, grab a towel, dry up and start towards my room. I enter and find a missed call message spread across my iPhone screen, “2 missed calls from Casey”. I dry my hair with the towel and quickly call her back. After three rings she answers. “Did you tell em?” she asks curiously. “No ‘hello’ or anything?” I say to her.
“Come on, Heather.” She persists on getting me to answer.
“No. I couldn’t. Not yet, that’s why I needed to talk to you. I can’t come to a decision on my own.”
“Alright, so when do you want to meet?”
“As soon as possible, please.”
“Okay, give me an hour and meet me at the park.”
“Okay.” I hang up the phone and continue to fix myself up just right so when I’m facing my parents I don’t seem too obviously out of my element. I have to look just right, not perfect or they’ll know something is up and I can’t have them finding out, not now, not until I have made a decision on what to do.

I managed to leave the house without arousing any suspicion from Mom. God, I really do hate lying to her like this but I have no other choice. So an hour has passed and I’ve already arrived at the park, waiting for Casey. In no more than ten minutes she arrives, she finds me sitting by the bench staring at the ducks. All those baby ducks, lined up in a row trailing behind their mother. I can’t help but wonder if that’s going to be my future from now on, with my son or daughter ever closely behind me, pulling on my dress repeatedly and asking for candy. Oh I’m too young for this. “You alright?” Casey’s voice pulls me out from my teenage-mother-to-be haze. “No, Casey. I can’t do this. I can’t have a child...not now.” My voice cracking under the pressure of flooding emotions, my tears brushing warm against my cheek. Casey pulls me closer to her chest and I remain there, crying my eyes out while she pets me on my back telling me that everything is going to be okay, knowing very well that it won’t be. It’s all messed up. Once all the crying is done, Casey glares directly into my eyes with a look I’ve never seen before. I can tell she wants to tell me something but she seems to be struggling to find the words to do so. She remains silent, clearly searching for the right words to say. I could try to nudge her into talking about it but I’m afraid she might say “it’s nothing” like she always does when she wanted to say something but couldn’t, she quickly shuts down when somebody tries to make her do something she wants to do on her own, the best way of handling this is if she decides to say what she wants to say on her own.
She takes in one deep breath and breathes out, “Heather,” she starts, “I was pregnant before.” She admits to me. Everything went dead-silent in a second, she totally caught me by surprise with that. “What? When?” is all I can think of saying.
“Last year.” She regretfully says to me.
“How come I’m only finding out now?”
“Because I wanted to keep it a secret. From everyone.”
“Casey...I’m your best friend. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know, I just panicked once I found out. I didn’t want to burden you I guess.” She sadly admits the fact.
“You wouldn’t have burdened me at all. I wouldn’t have let you go through it alone, like what you’re doing with me. I feel better knowing I have you by my side.”
“I know. I’m sorry for not telling you about it.”
“It’s okay. So what happened to the baby?”
“That’s why I brought it up. If you’re completely certain that you don’t want to have this baby then...I know of a place where you can get rid of it.” She states.
“An abortion clinic?”
“Yes. Only if you’re certain.” She says. I hated the thought of doing it but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. It’s an option to keep from my parents ever finding out that I am actually carrying a child instead of a stomach bug, but I’ll be living with the burden of knowing that I killed someone. But still... “Yes. I’m sure. I don’t want to have this baby.” I say.
“Okay. I’ll book an appointment for you.”
I know it’s a selfish decision but having a baby at the age of sixteen is a much more bigger decision. Right now I’m thinking, I don’t want to end up on an episode of Teen Mom, I have my future to think about, I can’t let this baby be an anchor to my life, dragging me further away from my future. I have to do this, I must do this.

By 12:15 pm I was at the Bridgewater residence. Mr and Mrs. Bridgewater were still packing up for their second honeymoon to Hawaii. Mr. Bridgewater wedges the last bag inside his SUV, the car looks so full you’d swear they weren’t returning at all. Mrs. Bridgewater enters the passenger side of the car as soon as her husband starts the engine. She pokes out her head as the car moves slightly off the driveway, “Please, Heather, don’t forget to feed Mr. Buttersworth on a scheduled time. I left his feeding schedule on the fridge.” She proclaims worriedly about her fat cat. If it were up to me, I’d skip two meals for the cat, Lord knows it’s overfed. “Yes, Mrs. Bridgewater. Enjoy your honeymoon.” Mr. Bridgewater pokes out his head, “I know I will.” He says with a perverted laughter. “Thank you, dear.” Mrs. Bridgewater says finally as the car leaves. Casey –still by my side since we left the park—has been on her phone ever since we arrived at the Bridgewater residence. She finally hangs up and enters the house with me. “Done talking on the phone?” I ask rhetorically.
“They had me on hold most of the time. I barely spoke ten words.”
“You’ve been on hold since then?”
“Yeah. It’s surprising how many people want to kill their babies.” I know she meant that as a joke but it stirs up some guilt inside of me. “I’m sorry, that was completely insensitive of me.” She says.
“It’s alright.” I say to her, trying to brush off the overbearing feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. Robbing a child of life, robbing my parents of a chance of becoming grandparents and robbing myself of early motherhood. The thought of keeping this baby is beginning to weigh heavy on me. I feel the breath of a cold breeze as I turn to the kitchen and find that the windows are left wide open. A small page flaps on the fridge, Mr. Buttersworth’s meal time schedule. The page reads; 7:00 am breakfast, lunch at 12:00 pm and his dinner at 6:00 pm. The cat eats three times daily, no wonder the damn thing is so fat.

~She really has a thing against overweight cats, just my opinion, don't take it to mind. Thanks for reading.~