Blank Canvas ( A Kate Beckett story)

I Can't Lose Him

"Kate what are we supposed to do? If this spreads it could kill half the city by lunch time" James spoke nervously in a whisper, standing dead still

"I need to call the CDC, we're not getting out of here unless a hazmat team comes" I tried to remain as calm as possible as I gently took my phone from my pocket and dialled the precinct

"Hey Kevin, yeah we've got an emergency, there's about to be a chemical attack on New York, we need a hazmat team and you need to alert the CDC" I spoke calmly at first but slowly felt myself panicking

I hung up the phone and looked at James. He looked back at me, I could see the fear in his eyes but he tried his best to hide it, for me.

"I think we've had a good run at things" He began to say

"Jesus Christ James we're not going anywhere, do you understand that? This thing needs to manually go off, we just need to be careful and not trigger anything" I said as I realised he was trying to say his goodbyes

"And what happens then Kate? One wrong judgement and the neighbourhood is infected in minutes" James began to sound angry as the fear started to get to him

"James nothing is going to happen ok! You need to calm down, come on we need to search the rest of the house before the rest arrive because as soon as the CDC get their hands on this place we won't get anything" I said sternly, regaining control of the situation

We backed out of the room and into the hall. James turned suddenly and pulled me into a hug

"James what the hell are you doing?" I asked confused

"If this is the last time I get to see you, I wanted to show you just how much I lo...." He started to whisper in my ear before he quickly pulled away into a violent cough

"James are you ok?" I asked concerned

"Yeah I'm fine, just something caught in my throat, I think we should search the other rooms, there could be schematics to where their planning to hit" He mumbled trying to change the subject

He brushed past me and made his way into the next room giving another horrendous cough, leaving me standing there baffled as to what he was about to say. Was he saying he loved me? Or was I just losing my mind, he was just scared that's all.

I chose to just shake the situation off and follow him into the next room.

"Kate look, it's a map of the subway lines throughout New York, one gust of a subway would blow that shit right through the streets giving maximum casualties" James said, more confident now

In that moment a SWAT burst through the door downstairs and a bunch of guys in hazmat suits from Disease control came storming through the house. I looked at James in relief and realised a trickle of blood coming from his nose.

"James are you ok?" I ran closer to him in concern but he took a swift step back and wiped his nose "James your nose is bleeding" I took a step back

"It's fine, stressful situations can do that to me sometimes, it's nothing I swear" he said reassuringly before violently coughing once more

"We should get out of here" he said after taking a breath

We headed for the stairs and they took us to an ambulance to get checked out.

"Have you been exposed to anything?" The paramedic asked us

"No we're fine" I said hesitantly as I looked at James but he gave me a reassuring smile

Two men, still in their hazmat suits, approached us to talk to us.

"Guys we're going to have to do a quick scan on both of you just to makes sure you haven't been exposed to the gas" One man said nonchalantly

"There was no leak sir, I'm sure we're fine" James said quickly in reply

"I know detective, this is just routine, even trace amounts of that stuff could kill" the other man replied

"What was it?" I asked concerned

"Anthrax" one of the men said bluntly

I covered my mouth with my hand in shock

"What if they have more? What if they're hiding it somewhere else? We need to shut down the subway lines now!" I jumped from the edge of the ambulance

"Detective they have the men in custody as we speak, we need to interrogate them first before causing mass hysteria, they might not have been ready to carry out this attack for days, weeks even! You intercepted them just at the right time, now can you please stand still for just one minute so I can scan you both" the man said reassuringly as he took the scanner from his bag

James stood beside me and the two men began to swipe the scanner around our bodies. James gave another roar of a cough. My scanner turned green and I turned to face the SWAT team to get the gist of what the hell was going on. As I turned I heard a loud sequence of beeps and I turned to face James. More blood had trickled from his nose and I looked down to see the men looking at the scanner in concern.

"Detective Tanner, I think you need to come with us" One of the men said with worry "are you sure you haven't been exposed?" he asked sternly

"Guys it's nothing the scanner must have picked up something different" James said backing away

"James what's going on?" I asked starting to get worried now

"Nothing Kate, I'm fine" James said, starting to sway on his feet a little

"Detective Tanner?" One of the men looked at James apprehensively as he held his shoulder

James looked at the ground as he answered "The tank was leaking when I walked into the room, I don't know how much of the gas escaped but I sealed it and made sure nothing more was released before Beckett came upstairs, I got her out of the room and sealed the door as quick as I could" James mumbled as he gave yet another cough before turning completely pale

"James" I whispered in anguish

Just then he fell to the ground and hit the pavement hard. There was a team around him immediately and before I could do anything he was rushed away in the ambulance as I was left standing there trying to process the situation

"Detective Beckett?" I heard a voice behind me

"Not now!" I shouted bluntly as I ran to my car and brought the engine roaring to life before speeding out after the ambulance

He can't die. I won't let him. I won't let him leave me.