the ballad of him and his brain ∙ van mccann (UNDER EDITING)

5

"Rose? Rose, wake up."

I tore my eyes open to see a blurred image of Van standing above me. "huh?" I mumbled, sitting up, rubbing my eyes. "Van? where are w- are we in my flat? how'd you get into my flat? why am I on the sofa?" I babbled, confusion and a bit of annoyance flowing through me.

Van smiled sheepishly, he didn't chuckle nor roll his eyes, which was unusual. "here, take this, it'll make you feel better."

he handed me a mug, ironically my favourite polka-dotted yellow one, and it was filled with coffee. I took a deep breath. "thank you... but, can you explain this to me?"

Van scratched the back of his neck and shrugged his shoulders. "you were acting odd last night at the pub, and I told you I'd get you home. I simply followed your lead and you let me in, and after that you passed out on the couch..."

"why are you still here? I mean, not to be rude... but why?"

Van looked down at his hands that were rubbing each other. "I passed out too...," he replied, giving me a sympathetic-kind of look. "I'm sorry."

although the situation was odd and Van making himself at home did bother me for some reason, I couldn't be mad at him. there was something about Van that wouldn't let me hate him, let alone dislike him or be mad at him. Van himself was odd, in the best of ways possible.

"don't be sorry Van, I'm just not used to people being around.... ever. at all."

he gave me a shocked expression and ran his fingers through his messy hair. "really? you mean that?"

I nodded my head. "yeah, I'm by myself most of the time. you're the first person I've had around in ages."

Van looked somewhere between confused and upset, but I wasn't sure why. "I'm sorry Rose... that's awful. no one deserves to be alone all the time."

"don't apologise for that, Van, that's silly. it's half my fault anyways," I responded before standing up and sauntering into the kitchenette, and Van followed.

"what do you mean it's half your fault?"

"I'm an expert at pushing people away, and if we don't quit talking about this, I'll probably push you away eventually too." I replied, realising I sounded a little harsh, but what I said was true. if Van becomes a friend, he'll probably find himself back to where he was before the library: a life without me in it.

Van was silent for a moment but I could feel his eyes on me as I poured pancake mix into a bowl and added some water.

"no, you won't." he finally said. "you won't push me away."

I gave him a look as I stirred the mix. "and why's that? so far, I've managed to push everyone I've ever known away, including my own mother."

"you can't push away someone who understands, Sunshine, it's like trying to befriend a gorilla or something."

I tried to mask my laughter as I plopped some of the mix into the warm pan. "fuck you, Van, I don't even know what you're trying to get at."

he rolled his eyes and wandered towards my refrigerator, retrieving a carton of orange juice. "what I'm trying to get at is, I'm not going anywhere because I understand that feeling. I'll handcuff us together the day you begin to ignore me or whatever it is you do when you push people away."

"Van, we met, what, a week ago? and at a library. you barely know me, yet here you are, in my flat, and I'm making pancakes for you. what the hell is even going on, you've got me so confused."

Van simply shrugged, nothing seemed to phase him. "I'm guessing this is how friendships form and you're just not used to it,"

"um, I don't know if I agree with that." I said, piling pancakes onto each of our plates.

"I have another proposal," Van pipped, ignoring my statement. I said nothing but gave him a look of curiosity. 

"be my friend, officially. I want us to consider each other friends, and do friend-like things together and whatnot."

"it could turn out ugly Van, I'm not as easy person to be friends with." I warned, waving my fork at him.

"oh please Rose, you just made me pancakes. we're fucking domestic. we're domestic friends or whatever."

"fine, fair enough. but if I become a hassle you're not allowed to just disappear. I get to end this."

"whatever floats your boat, Sunshine."