L.A. BANGING

Roxanne.

"Stop, Stop Roxanne I said STOP!" 

Every single emotion I had came pouring out of me at that moment. The area where his hands rested on my arms stung from his grip. 

"Look at me Roxanne, look." 

He grabbed my face roughly, "Baby I love you okay so stay for me." I looked straight into his eyes, "Please..."

I struggled out of his grasp and slapped him in his face. I was tired of the drugs, the alcohol and the different women every night. I was DONE.  

"Get the hell away from me I'm done with you!!"  

I turned around to walk away but he quickly grabbed me in a rough hold.

"Blade let me go!"  

I fought as hard as I could. I bit him, slapped him, and even tried to punch him but it was useless he just held on tighter.

"I'm not letting you go not now not ever you hear me?"

I slowly slumped to the floor against the wall and just broke down. He came closer and pulled me into a gentle hug as I sat there trying to think through the tears but, all I could say was "Never again" and he just sat there content that I was still In his arms and not in anyone else's.  

* * * * *

There was no mistaking it, my place in his world was final, I was only leaving if I died and I tried so many times only to wake up fine or have him find me. I tried it all cutting myself, purposely crashing my car, taking too many pills, and after it all came down to it God laughed at me. He didn't kill me no, he put me in a coma.basically mocking me.Who was I to be hurt? I was pitiful. I begged Blade to kill me, to hit me, to treat me like I was someone who owed him money and he didn't. He just held me delicately as if, if he held me too tight I would break into a million peices he didn't know that he was already holding my shards. I was broken beyond repair and he knew that but he was going to try anyway like September 16th.  

I remeber the night perfectly. I was drunk talking from a mind that was only half alive. It was my birthday and I tried to escape the facade of happiness that was me. My life crumbling and was left in peices. I wanted someone with the same problems as me. Someone down and out. A ticking time bomb. That's what I wanted Someone to relate to and thats when I met Peter Gray. Peter was suffering From Cancer 10 years of smoking had finally caught up to him and not only that but, the women that he loved with all his heart woke up one morning and left. No letter, No message or Explanation. We talked- well if two seconds of saying hi counted- then yes our conversation was lovely. We devoured each other. Every inch of pain was felt in that kiss. His hands frail but yet strong when we both ran out of breath it hit us. We didn't know each other, but we knew each others pain.

He knew by the way my eyes looked off that I was broken beyond repair and that my relationship was a very bad remake of the titanic and he was right. By the look of him I could tell by the way his breaths were shallow and his flat tone that his life was hyprocritical,it was just another statistic and he knew it too.Right when we were about to continue again his hand on my lower back mines on the nape of his neck; I felt him. I heard him before I saw him. Blade was a raging bulldog looking through the crowd for me I quickly gave Peter My number and slipped away.

This was my chance to leave without a trace and I ran, God knows I ran, only to run into one of Blade's many friends, Tony. I knew by the look in his eyes that he would regret his decision but he called Blade anyway. He trapped me. He kept me in the hell hole that was Blade. I kicked and screamed my way into the car and on the way out. Once we made it inside the condo we shared I couldn't take it if I was going down I wasn't going down without a fight.

"Why wont you let me leave? Do you not see me? I don't love you! You're worthless! The scum on the bottom of my shoe!! I HATE YOU!!" 

Thats when I bum rushed him and he fell down trying to keep me still but he didn't succeed. My fists were attacking anything and everything that was him. I was winning until he rolled over and took control of my arms pinning them at my sides and glaring down at me.

"Get off me!!" 

"You want to leave?" 

"Yes!" 

"Without me you'd be nothing, you were nothing! I made you it's because of me you have this! And how do you repay me? You go off with some guy that's on the verge of dieing because he succumbed to ciggarettes? What can he do for you hu Roxanne?"

By now he had gotten off of me and I was slowly pulling myself together with the help of the night stand and the couch.

"He'd let me be!" 

"Bullshit! You didn't even know what you wanted in life and I gave you everything! I geuss it is true, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife."  

He laughed a dry humorless laugh and swung. The palm of his hand met my cheek and I was down. He quickly grabbed me by my collar and yelled in my face, " I made you! You're going nowhere! You want this? To see me like this?"

He banged my back against the wall and I hit my head. He punched the wall on the left side of my face only I didn't blink. He let me go and I slumped to the floor.

He said nothing but kept his back away from me and started throwing things. He knocked over the tv, the glass table, broke vases. He ruined it all just like he ruined me so I grahbed the nearest lamp and smashed it on top of his head, he fell to the floor and I ran. I could tell you the weight lifted off my shoulders but, that would be a lie. I didn't know where I was going I just had to go. So I went. I Roxanna Dianna Kaccee Margande Was the First and only girl to leave Damien Stephen "Blade" Grazianno.

I'm Roxanne Margande And I'm here to tell you about my story. To Live And Die In L.A.