My Brother Says I'm Dangerous

(18)

We drive in silence, I have nothing to say. But Hunter apparently does.

"I get that you wouldn't judge him based on what someone else said." He says, keeping his eye on the road. "That's something I respect about you."

"Yeah." I snort."Well, you were right, I get it now." He respects me? Great. Brilliant. Not only am I attached to them, they have started to grow fond of me. It'll make leaving that much harder.

"I'm sorry that you've had to have that conversation with him though." Hunter continues. "Now I guess you're in the same boat as us."

"I'm really not that concerned." I shrug. He nods, and pays attention to the road, but I can't help but hear a mechanical spluttering sound, when he changes gears.

"What was that?" I ask.

"I don't know." Hunter frowns. "This car is really old, we usually just ignore the bad sounds." 

"You can't just ignore the bad sounds you idiot!" I snort, but I'm quickly distracted by the smoke that seeps out of the hood infant of us.

"Shit." Hunter hisses, pulling over to the side of the road.

"Oh my god." I groan, getting out of the car, lifting up the bonnet.

"Charlie is going to be pissed." Hunter says softly, looking at the smoke coming out.

"It's fixable." I shrug. "Nick can do it, it just would have been easier to do if you had done it earlier."

"That's why Dad offered Nick a job." Hunter says. That's not the only reason Keith offered him job. 

"So what do we do now?" I ask.

"I guess we walk." He shrugs. 

"What?" I grit. "The ranch is ages away."

"Then we better get started." He teases.

<><><><>

I kick a small stone on the side of the road, as we walk in the dark, me holding my heels.

"Charlie and Nick are going to come get it in the morning." Hunter says, looking at his phone. "It'll be fine until then." I nod, paying attention to the floor. We stay silent for awhile, nothing to listen to but the crickets. 

"I won't say anything about you smoking." Hunter says suddenly. I look at him, surprised. I totally saw him as a snitch.

"Thanks." I say shrugging.

"Why do you smoke?" He asks.

"I dunno." I say, kicking another stone. "It helps with stress I guess. Is this one of those 'but don't do it again' speeches?"

"No." He says quickly. "Can I just ask one thing?" I nod, not sure where he's going with this.

"Next time you want to smoke try something else first. Talk to someone."

"I don't do therapists." I snort. Nick tried that at the beginning and I wouldn't have it. Sitting in a room with a snobby old person for an hour a week won't help anything.

"I didn't say anything about a therapist." He points out. "I meant just anyone. Talk about anything. Distract yourself." I think about it, confused.

"Maybe." I shrug. "No promises."

"No promises." He agrees.

"You won't have to worry too long though." I groan. "I only have two left."

"I'm guessing they were pretty regular for you in Ohio." He assumes. I frown.

"So what?" I growl. "What do you care about what I did in Ohio?"

"I'm just curious!" He throws his arms up in surrender. "You said it helps with stress. You must have had a lot to stress about."

"I'm dealing with it." I deflect.

"No you're not." Hunter says simply. "If you were dealing with it you wouldn't be here." 

"I can handle myself!" I get annoyed. 

"I'm sure you can." Hunter snorts.

"I can." I protest. "I'm tough enough. People know not to mess with me." He doesn't say anything, obviously not believing me. "My brother says I'm dangerous." I finish defiantly.

"Dangerous to yourself." He retorts, stopping to stand in front of me.

"Excuse me?" I shout incredulously.

"You heard me." He says crossing his arms. "Come on Eva. Who willingly wants to be described as scary? As dangerous?"

"I do." I answer angry.

"Exactly." He says softly. "You're damaged."

"I'm not damaged." I mutter, the energy seeping out of me. "I'm just... a little screwed up."

We stare at each other for awhile, and we start to walk again. Hunter keeps up a normal conversation, and I try to answer him. I have no idea where all of that just came from but I don't think I can talk about that again.

"I hope that car starts up again." Hunter says, after a conversation about football teams. "Lord knows where we would get the money for a new one. We'll need it over the next couple of weeks."

"What's happening?" I ask.

"In a couple of weeks it's May." He smiles. "And everybody on a ranch knows what May means."

"What does it mean?" 

"Time for a branding." He grins.

"What's a branding?" I ask confused. He bursts out laughing.

"You'll love it." He finishes. "I promise. It's fun."

We reach the ranch, after a very, very long walk. I stop, letting Hunter walk a few steps in front of me, and then sit down in the grass, on top of the hill, laying down. Hunter looks back, and frowns.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"You go in." I say, closing my eyes. "I'll follow in a minute. It's nice outside." I hear footsteps, and then feel a soft thud, as he lays down next to me.

"What's wrong with your room?" He asks. "You should get some sleep, you look exhausted."

"Sleep isn't really a friend at the moment." I murmur.

"Have you talked to Nick about it?" 

"I would rather stall for a few minutes than go in and have him yell at me for disappearing." I shrug.

"He's trying." Hunter says. "He doesn't know what to do."

"I know." I sigh. "And I love him for it. But sometimes you just have to let someone sort it out themselves."

<><><><>

 They are coming for me today. I can feel it.

When I see them the world changes. The earth moves and I can't control my body. 

It's my fault. It's all because of me. They're right. I am to blame for everything. I have to take responsibility for my actions. 

They say when they visit me they will stop the blood from spilling. That would be nice. The blood makes some feel ill. 

I hope they visit soon. I welcome them. 

I will be calm. I will be collected. I will be alright.