My Brother Says I'm Dangerous

(25)

*Locks myself out of Wattpad*

*Goes to my internet history to get the links to my books*

"Realises that my life revolves around Netflix and Wattpad*

*Cries*

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I keep going on my math study, determined to pass this test tomorrow. Keith and Emily have taken Beth and some of the others to their Uncle's for dinner, dragging them kicking and screaming, so Jackson ordered a pizza, which they are all demolishing.

"You still studying for that test?" Hunter asks confused. "You've been at it for like, a week."

"I need to pass." I mumble. "And I didn't really pay attention those first couple of days, I need all the formula's." 

"I am so happy to not be at school anymore." Jackson chuckles, stuffing his face with pizza.

"Don't pretend you're not going to college." Isaac snorts. "We all know about the brochures under your bed."

"Shut up man." He frowns. "Dad can't find out yet."

"We know." David says, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm sure Keith will understand though."

"I'm waiting for the whole branding and Dennings thing to calm down first." Jackson explains. "I'll tell him then."

My study is interrupted by the loud ring of my cell phone, and I jump, dropping my pencil. I look at the caller idea, and frown, when I notice it's Casey. I put it down, deciding to let it ring out.

"You know, you're supposed to answer the phone when it rings like that." Carter suggests.

"It's not important." I shrug, trying to continue with math.

"Mum says never leave a phone unanswered." He smirks, before grabbing my phone, shooting to the other side of the room. I jump up, desperately trying to reach him, but he ducks out the way.

"Carter don't!" I say quickly.

"Hello?" He chuckles, answering the call, making me feel sick. "No, this is Carter. Who may I be speaking to?" I lunge, only to end up with empty air, as he dodges once again. "Casey?" He questions. "No, Eva's here. Sure." He covers the mouthpiece with his his hand, and grins at me. "Casey wants to speak to you."

I whack the back of his head, hesitantly taking the phone off him. I'm genuinely worried. I take a breath, before placing the phone on my ear.

"Hi." I say quietly, leaving the living room, standing in the hallway.

""Hello love." My blood freezes, as I hear Leo's voice.

"Where's Casey?" I whisper.

"She made the call." He smirks. "I knew if I did you wouldn't answer."

"What do you want?" I ask, already knowing.

"I'm pissed." He says simply. "Really, really pissed off with you. Casey had to put out to get me in a better mood today."

I ignore his crude comment, not knowing how to answer.

"You better tell me where it is love, or we are going to have problems." He growls.

"You know." I say slowly. "I've been waiting for you guys to call me for days. I was convinced they would. Not you, but the others."

"What are you talking about?" He groans.

"No one called." I shrug. "They didn't care. I left the state. And I heard nothing."

"You know what bitch?" He snaps. "Just tell me where you put the drugs!" 

"I shouldn't have had them in the first place." I growl.

"I gave them to you because I trusted you!" He shouts. 

"You gave that package of cocaine to me that night because we were going to be caught by the cops!" I yell, and I snap. "Casey took me to the bridge that night, and you was dealing! We heard sirens and you shoved that package into my hands, and told me to hide it!" 

"So where is it?" He asks insistently.

"You all ran away!" I scream. "You left me alone, with illegal drugs with the cops coming! I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't touch shit like that again and I meant it! I panicked Leo, I panicked so hard, I threw that shit over the bridge!"

"You what?" He asks quietly. 

"Three month ago in the heat of the moment I chucked it into the river. It's long gone by now!" I finish. "You never asked for it, you told me that the cops were after you guys, you told me to keep it safe until he needed it." I say. " I kept quiet, breathing heavily. "So I said nothing."

"Do you know what you have done?" He growls. "Why would you do that?"

"You wouldn't understand even if I bothered." I laugh bitterly. 

"How are you going to pay me back?" He hisses.

"I'm not." I spit back. "You threw that money away when you made the cowardly choice to run."

"Maybe I'll go find your friend Sarah." He says, clinging at last straws.

"And what are you going to tell her father, the policeman?" I smirk. "Let it go Leo. I'm done. It's over. I'm not coming back. I'm done with your group. My brother was right. You're not worth ruining my life over."

I hang up, taking a big breath in. 

Leo is a coward. He won't go after Sarah, he will take all measures to avoid the police. That cocaine is long gone, and he'll just bully his gang into paying it off. I know him. He is a coward.

I step into the living room, knowing that the boys heard every word of that conversation. I stare at them, and sigh.

"Go on, tell me I'm an idiot." I shrug. "I f*cked up. I had so many chances to fix my mistakes, and I ignored every single one of them because it was easier to distract myself getting drunk underneath a bridge." They stay silent. "Go on!" I cry. "Tell me!" 

"I'm not going to do that." Jackson says softly.

"None of us are." Hunter adds. "Eva, you did the right thing. You just did something good. It may be a small step but it's a start. You don't have to tell us what you were distracting yourself from because what's more important is that you're going to be ok."

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This isn't a good feeling.

They haven't visited in a long time. I can't remember the last time I felt light.

The longer I go without their help, the more I start to realise that what they do isn't good for me. They are bad men. 

Which is why I hate myself.

Because I want nothing more than to feel light.