We Bought a Zoo-Falling Apart

Chapter 4-Sorry

I could not believe my luck.

Really? The roof was broken?

My textbook was messily splayed open from falling from the ground. I reached over and closed it and set it down on the ground. 

I shakily stood up from the ground and slapped my hand to my forehead. "Kelly's gonna kill me." I groaned. Awhile ago, Dylan fell from the roof and broke her arm. We promised Kelly and Benjamin we'd never be up here, ever again. Now, the roof was true proof we'd been ignoring everything they told us not to do. 

"You okay?" Dylan cautiously peered over the roof. I couldn't see his face very well, and I knew it was because he didn't want any more portions of the roof to fall down. 

I was in no mood to go back up to the roof and see the damage I had caused. I took a deep breath and expected the worse. "How is it?" I called to Dylan.

Dylan took a moment before responding. "The damage? Not that bad. It's just that you kind of killed the gutter."

I wallked over to underneath the part of the roof that hung over, the part where I broke. I looked up and saw part of Dylan's face peering over the hole in the roof. Dylan was right, the gutter was cracked and bent downwards. The area I broke had sharp splinters and pieces of wood sticking around the perimeter. 

"Not that bad?" I huffed sarcastically. It may have been "not that bad," but it was currently October. Most of our money comes in the summer, and we didn't have money to spare to fix something I broke. 

 "C'mon, we'll tell Kelly together. I'll say it was both of our faults." Dylan tried to keep me from blaming myself. I shot him a grateful glance before he walked down the trapdoor that led to the ceiling. 

 --------------------

It turned out that I wasn't grounded, or in trouble. Kelly was just really disappointed.

It sucks when someone's disappointed in you. It's just like a sinking feeling.

When your grounded, it's okay once it's over. Everything goes back to normal. 

Basically, Kelly's really mad at me. She just will give me that straight face or serious face and it's going to take a long time to build that trust back up. Like they say, trust is like paper. You can crumple it and uncrumple it, but the folds will still be there.

 Honestly, I just have to be on my guard to behave well, and never let Kelly know about my grades. I had been practicing, but it was just so boring. I got so tired of it, and I didn't see the point of it. 

I always freak out during tests, or psych myself out. I get bored and the teacher allows you to use your music players when your done. Therefore, I speed through it and make tons of mistakes. Dylan's already approached me a couple times to help me study, but I don't want his help. I want to be able to do it myself.

This past week, I just kept wishing nothing happened. I wish if my grades were fine, Kelly wasn't annoyed at me, and I never said no to Dylan. He was trying to help me, and I just automatically assumed I could make it on my own. I hate depending on people, ever. All my parents already know that I'm often over confident.

I decided to go to head to the picnic benches and try to get some last minute studying done. It was about four in the afternoon, and it was a sunny yet cloudy day today. I sat up from my bed, and grabbed my math textbook, a note book and a pencil and headed out the door.

As I hiked up a small slope towards the benches, I realized that this would've been a wonderful day to hang out, play. But no, instead I was stuck doing math. The picnic benches slowly came into view. I saw Dylan sitting there, focused on his drawings. 

He didn't seem to hear me. "Can I sit here?" I asked again, quietly. 

Dylan didn't look up, just simply replied, "Sure."

I went around and sat down on the opposite side of the bench, staring at Dylan. 

He seemed really reserved today. And I was pretty sure it was all of my fault. 

I stared at him before quietly setting my books down on the picnic bench. At the same slow pace as the books, I sat down. I cracked open my book, and I began to do review problems. 

There was awkward silence, but it wasn't that weird because Dylan was completely absorbed into his drawing. On the other hand, I had no idea what I was doing, mixed feelings and I was completely distracted.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you mad at me?" I quietly asked, not looking at him, but fingering the pencil in my hand. 

He didn't reply immediately.

"I mean, if you are, it's okay. I mean, it was my fault-" I stammered. 

Dylan gave a sigh, leaned up from his drawing and drew from another angle. "Look, I'm not mad at you. It's just that," Dylan broke off and gave a thinking face. "You seem to enjoy driving yourself into a wall."

"What do you mean?" I quietly replied to him as a question.

Dylan didn't even look up at me this time. "Look, I've known you for awhile, and that's what you do. You like to do things on your own, never rely on people."

I let that sink in a bit. It could've just been that I was strong headed, but it still hurt. It was kind of like, you think too highly of yourself to accept help from others. But that's just the way I grew up and learned to be. 

"Sorry." I gave a straightforward reply to Dylan, before grabbing my things and leaving.

Author's note

sorry I haven't been posting that often! 

I just haven't felt up to it lately :( There are a ton of things on my mind. 

-Lilian