The Diary Of The Girl With ADHD

My diary my biggest secert of 2016 Pt. 1

January 18, 2016

Hey there Song bird,

It's me, KK and I have stopped talking to Kori for good now. I like to say the word "MERP" it's sort of my go two word YAY I don't know why anymore. She told me that I horrid her and that I should go to hell. It wasn't cool and my friend Violet I told cause she's my friend and she was there for me when it happened so now let's get up to date now a boy said it was "weird" that I colored my hair blue but it's not "weird". And I started texting my friend Jacob because I known him since NewPoint and he goes to the same school as me for 8th grade. And I've started to notice that I was developing a crush on my friend I started to text a few weeks ago and I don't know why I started having a crush on him. And Jacob-senpai doesn't know which is how I kinda want to keep it unless he sees this story. And yes I have ADHD Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder and dyslexia is were I get simple letters like M and N mixed up, Im not like the other girly girls, I'm a tomboy, I wear pants and a T-shirt with a jacket and some jewelry cause I can, I have short hair that is dark brown and I colored my hair blue, I'm emo, I like to wear beanies, my favorite color is black and different shades of dark blue and I like the color gray as well, my favorite books are Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, I like to read sometimes, I'm in the 8th grade, I'm gonna be 14 on May 10, I like the Hunger Games movies and the Harry Potter Movies, I watch YouTube a lot, sit around in the darkness of my room, listen to music, read off of wattpad, text my friends, I think a lot about my life, I've been through depression and still kind of going through it, I am a tomboy, my friends are tomboys, I have a crush on my friend Jacob he is the emo tall mysterious type and he is my friend, I've been bullied half my life, I watch anime, I like Attack on Titan, and I love music and the song I'm obsessed with right now is called Loss and Love by Whitney Woerz. So yea lets get to the more interesting stuff so like I said a kid thought me coloring my hair was "weird" but it's not and I have a crush on my friend Jacob-senpai and I call him "Jake" or "Jacob" and he still haven't answered me back from my last text asking him," You won't treat me differently even though I was bullied a lot in the past, have ADHD, dyslexia, mild-depression, anti-social, am bisexual, have an obsession with meatballs and scissors, likes music, freezes easily, and would scratch the crap out of my arms when I'm hurting emotionally, you won't treat me differently right?" At 11:48 AM and then I sent him another text saying," ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which means I'm hyperactive all the time without my ADHD medicine and that I can't focus on one thing at a time sometimes without my ADHD medicine and it means that it's hard for me to work in a group of people which means it's easier for me to work with one or two other people at a time and my dyslexia just means I get REALLY easy letters like M and N, L and I, D and B, and C and O mixed up sometimes. I thought you would like to know before we get far more down these road of friendship and you being mad at me for not telling you about my ADHD and dyslexia." At  12:02 PM and it's now 5: 11 PM and it's making me wonder if he doesn't want me to be his friend at all, if he likes me, if his friends told him to not to talk to me cause I'm a girl because for guys it's bros before hoes like its like sisters before misters for us girl, he probably didn't want me flirting with him again like how he and I flirted back and forth on Friday before Saturday. He and I told each other embarrassing stories about trying to impress the other gender and I told him that my anuat and cousins use to call me "Kat" as in Katharine so he called me "Kit-Kat" and I would actually let him call me "Kit-Kat" cause it's kind of cute you know, he told me he use to go by the nickname "JJ" Jacob Justin, which I thought was adorable. I know it's weird an emo tomboy like me developing a crush on an emo tall mysterious cut boy that I met about two or three weeks ago. So I thought it was cool that his first and last name both started with the same latter which was "J" and he use to go by it like how my first and last name start with the latter "K" and I still go by KK. He and I were flirting on Friday after school and I said, "So.....are you a song? Cause I got you on repeat babe! 😏" and he flirted back and we just were flirting back and forth for a while. And he still hasn't texted me back but maybe he is at the gym or needed a break from talking to me or he is sleeping. Ugh it's hard being a tomboy that is a girl who has a crush on a mysterious emo cute boy at school. And I don't understand why I'm the only girl in middle school who doesn't have a boyfriend. My last crush her name is Kori and she lied to my face about dating in high school. So I kind of have to be careful what I put in here. Jacob-senpai considers me as his friend and for those who don't know senpai means someone older or a higher ranking then you that you look up to that you want to be like or have a crush on like for me I say Jacob-senpai meaning I have a crush on him. And I do have a crush on Jacob-senpai and I'm scared to tell him because I'm afraid of rejection and him not wanting to be my friend anymore. And I don't want to to be emotionally hurt. And what you don't understand is he might be one of those people who flirts with every girl in the school but flirts with the one girl that isn't like the rest who would flirt back, who stands out from the rest, the girl that is different from the other girls that he can't even explain, a girl that likes most of the same things he does, a girl that understands how it feels to be bullied like him, who loves music, who shares the same emo guyish style as him, a girl who wants to fit in like him, a girl who is emo, a girl who has a perverted mind but a little less like him, a girl who is a tomboy, a girl who has a rebel personality a little like mine, a girl that is emo that is loyal to him, a girl who would love him for him, a girl like me.
Jacob-senpai has those stunning brown eyes. I just wish I could tell him how I feel without it being ackword and him not liking me ever ago. It's hard to do this girly crap that girly girls do when your a tomboy and in middle school. And yea I like to work with cameras and I'm kind of a nerd, but all around emo. I just want Jacob-senpai to know I like him more then just a friend....that I have a crush on him. Yea for the first time in forever since Kori I admit I have feelings for my friend Jacob-senpai and I most not tell him. It's kind of hard keeping this secret because I have ADHD and I blurt out the randomest things ever but I need to get this off my chest. I'm so afraid of Jacob-senpai finding out cause he might reject me. He probably already has a girlfriend I mean he hasn't been talking to me lately and boys like him probably get girls easy as that. I mean it was hard enough being able to right how and what I feel in this wattpad story. I'm afraid he is gonna reject me cause he probably already has a girlfriend and who would want to date a girl who is a tomboy, emo, in depression, anti-social, that colors her hair, that is different then other girls, had ADHD, dyslexia, doesn't go outside to run or whatever so she would be skinny enough to wear clothes that shows more skin and still feels good about herself, who is shorter then him, who has a perverted mind that isn't as perverted as his, and can't even think of good pick up lines but one silly music one that she has to look up some, a girl who feels like no one cares when people do care, a girl who is independent, a girl who is crying on the inside so she can look tough around him at school and everyone else, or a girl who thinks and cries a lot at night because she's probably not as pretty as the other girls but she's definitely smart enough and good enough to get into a good high school and college, who would ever want a girl like me...so why do I like Jacob-senpai if he already has a girlfriend. I would ask him but he'll probably not answer anyways. I wish I could tell Jacob-senpai that I have a crush on him and think he is cute. But even if I do get into a relationship with him I would be the independent one and he is independent but I'm also independent and don't like people telling me what to do but whatever. I just wish I had the guts to tell Jacob-senpai every single word I say in this, from my depression to my crush on him and how loyal I'll be to him and only him.

So see ya tomorrow songbird,
-KK 🎶🏹🎶