Free your mind of expectations

Rule the world(part 1)

 You want to rule the world.

In some way, somehow, someday, you want to rule the world. You want everything to go your way, and to have everything , material things that we feel the need to own. You want to not be unlucky anymore, to be acomplished, to be succesful. You want to be loved back by the people you love. You want to meet your favorite celebrities, your favorite singers. To have real friends, you really want to have real and loyal friends. But most of all you just want to be happy. You want to be happy, but without these things, you won't be happy, because happiness isn't eternal, while sadness is.

And I am not one to judge you, because , after all, everybody wants to rule the world. 

And that is ok,  it is human nature after all. To want more and more and more. I thought about it sometime too, I don't know when , but I am sure that I did. The same way I am sure that everyone does at least one time in their life about their importance, and how they could rule their workplace, home, video games, class, school, or themselves.

I had a rough time in my earlier years of school, so that also means a lot of thinking about other things to distract myself. Ruling my class, and school, was one of the thoughts I've had for sure. But not what you are thinking, or maybe it is the way you are thinking...well, if you are thinking that I wanted to be the popular kid, the coolest respected kid in the school then you are right. It was a pretty small city, so if I were to ever be popular in the school, then everybody in town would probably know something about me, would have heard about me. And I think, that for a while, most of the classes in my year had heard about me, but in this way, not in the way I hoped.

You see, I was the opposite of popular, of all the cool stuff. I was the awkward kid, with a school jacket a little too big for me, bad teeth, with an avoiding gaze, and always dressed in my school uniform. I was so awkward I used to copy body language I learned in cartoons, anime, because I couldn't express anything, I couldn't use my words, and my body always looked so fragile, so curled in itself as if I was trying to force my body close together, all the limbs united, and become so little I would dissapear in myself.

So, being the opposite of the popular kid, I was bullied, which made me dream, dream of something and wonder what is wrong with me. "If only I could be someone else. Why am I the way I am? I am so weird no wonder nobody likes me."  And we were just kids, but we took it all so serious it was unraveling. 

  It was a day in winter, in 2007, and I was carring my backpack full of art supplies, listening to a guy rapping about a sad life story, and trying to not slide on the ice.  It was during my mother's career change, when she decided being a teacher wasn't her calling anymore, and started being a business agent, my brother was in a similar situation to mine, but he was less concerned about what his classmates thought, and he had a few friends with which he would play, and my father, well, my father was the reason we were there, because we love him. And I think I understand most from our family, that loneliness is dangerous, so we were glad to be there with him. My grandmother still cooked and was happy and a powerful woman, while my grandfather walked with both his legs, his back just slightly croked. 

                     The snow was a foot tall, and where it wasn't, it was slippery with ice, which was worse for some. I had just got out from classes, painting all day had been fun unless you consider my way more talented classmates and teacher that liked to point out my mistakes. Taking long strides over the snow, hungry and wondering what my grandmother had cooked, I sliped on the snow, and fell on my back. It barely hurt, but the shock of it sent my body into adrenaline, I could feel my heart pumping in my ribcage, and how my face pinched from the cold. I got up and continued walking, but now more aware, and I remembered how my classmates teased me that day, and I wondered why, feeling so horrible with myself. I think that was the moment when I was aware of everything that was happening in class for the first time, the fact that I didn't have any real friends anymore, and that I didn't even know what real friends meant, and how naive I was to have made such mistakes that have worsened my school life. 

When I got home I smiled, because seeing my grandmother always makes me smile, and the fact that she was smiling back to me made me even more relaxed and happy. I ate with her, told her what I did that day and we watched TV together, I left the thoughts I had at the door, because that was best. I didn't hate them, hate is a word too strong, I just didn't understand them. I didn't understand them because I didn't tease anyone, I didn't think anyone was so different they needed to be treated differently. But now I understand that they wanted to rule the world, their world, and by letting them do what they wanted, they did rule their own world, while mine was uncontrolable.

We all wanted to rule the world, and I am sure, even thou I haven't seen any of them in years, that they all want to rule a place or a person again, even if its their own world like when we were little but maybe without the uncrushed hopes and impossible dreams we once had. 

When we are young, we all rule our own world, that is the time when we have the most power over our own world without society getting in the way. But we don't realise it, and wish for this so called "freedom" , giving our world in exchange. 

You don't rule the world. Because you already give it up.