Welcome To My Life

School Today

     I don't want to be here. Why won't the nurse just let me go home? Why can't I escape reality anymore without breaking down crying afterwards? I'd like to know the answers to these silly questions but they won't show themselves. I look and look but they still hide like small children during hide and seek. They seem to giggle as I pass, me not knowing where to look for them. Yes, it may be very simple questions and maybe I am just being ignorant, or maybe even both, but I still search for the answers aimlessly through my dark mind. Fear stops me in my tracks but keeps me from turning around; and I'm glad it does. The thing, the dark ominous thing looming behind me, it's name is death and it tries to take me away, to lead me the way it wants me to go.... To lead me to my death. Friends are wonderful to have but when you feel alone even when they are there, can you call them friends? Or do you just call yourself selfish? It's a strange feeling when you know you are loved dearly but you don't feel loved at all. It's scary, actually. It's even worse when you get used to the feeling and when you realize it's bad, you can't escape it. As I said before, I mean asked, why can't I go home? Why do I have to stay here, in this death-trap titled "school"?
     I'd like to leave, to run away as fast as I could possibly go. School is what drags me down and that is the only time I feel suicidal. I want to escape this pain. I'm so used to keeping my smiles that when I need to be frowning, I'm smiling. I feel like I won't make it today. Heh.... That is another big question.... "Will I make it?" "Will I survive?" No one knows for sure. guess I have control over if I want to end it here and now, but I don't for the sake of others. If I go, many may follow. I would never want that to happen to anyone. I want to scream and cry. I don't even know what to do any more....