On The Sidewalk Bleeding

Chapter 20

I don't have any excuse for this other than school's horrendously brutal. Horrible is too nice of a word for it to be used as a description.

Chapter 20

Payton

About an hour later, we were sitting watching Get Smart. Not exactly the gory movie that I had planned on, but at least it was comical. I was sitting on one end of the couch with blankets wrapped around me like a soft-shelled taco wrapped around its contents. I had a big bowl of popcorn in my arms and I would have been delighted to stuff my face the buttery-salty goodness, but considering I had a fit, hot football player sitting on the other end of the couch watching me, that option was out. I mean, I was already wearing sweatpants. I could feel his eyes on me as I tried to concentrate on the movie instead of him. However, considering I was on my period and a little hormone crazy, it was really hard. Even though I wasn't paying attention to him, I wasn't really paying attention to the movie either. Instead, I was re-hashing the drive home - going over every single detail.

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"So, tell me about this 'tea' thing."

I pause. He'll only make fun of me once I explain it further. I had heard it while walking past a health and careers class while on my way to the bathroom last week. Ironic, isn't it? That I had been abused and now I act like it never happened? At least, I act like that with him anyways. But it isn't ever gone. I still don't like people touching me, and I have to force myself to not cringe away when they do. My parents pretend to not notice, but they're hardly ever home, so it isn't too hard for them. I don't think they really realized how bad it had been. Without considering it more, I decide to go ahead and tell him.

"Tea is hot, right?" I see him nod out of the corner of my eye, then I continue, "So, if you think about it, you won't force someone to drink it, because it could do serious harm, right?" He nods again. I continue, "Basically it means that no means no." I pause, "I heard it last week when I was walking past a class." I don't really know what else to say. He obviously doesn't either, because he doesn't say anything the entire ride home.

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I think about our encounter 2 weeks ago. We had just happened to go out to the same McDonald's at the same time. We were only able to talk – basically exchange hellos – for a couple seconds before his football buddies came out after ordering a bunch of food, which I was grateful for. Other than that, we hadn't really talked since his surgery, which was over a couple months ago... well, until now that is. Since then, I had been able to do a lot of self-reflecting. What were we now? Did our kiss mean nothing? Did him saving my life mean nothing? Or was it really that he had been up to his head in homework?

I had no clue, and – quite frankly – I honestly don't think he did either.

He shifts in his spot so that his body is facing me. He seems like he's debating on whether or not he wants to ask me whatever is on his mind.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, and I wait to see if he'll continue, but he doesn't.

I pause before I say anything, "Nothing really... I'm just – well I suppose..." I don't know what to tell him. That I want to know why we haven't kissed? That I want to know if he even likes me? I don't think that's very polite. I look over to see him looking at me, waiting. Taking a deep breath, I decide that maybe talking about something would help. Not sure if it will make sense, I just say the first thing that comes to mind. "What even are we? Like, are we friends, not friends? Acquaintances? I... I need to know."

I look over to see him with a faint smile on his face. "I've been wanting to talk about that actually." But he doesn't say anything else.

We sat in silence for a while and by this point the movie had shut itself off, after being finished for some time now, but I'm not sure when.