Dear Harry (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Ch.9

Dear Harry,

Things are getting a little bit better. I think that writing in this journal- and revisiting everything that I had previously tried to forget about- is good for me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Instead of my usual crying, today I was almost giddy, excited that I finally got to write about some of the happiest times in my life. Writing everything down is almost like sealing it in place, making sure that our history will never be altered, and you have no idea how comforting that is to me.

After The Incident, everything changed. We were with each other pretty much every second of every day, and your eyes never looked at any other girl like they previously had. It seemed as if I was your only care, and your sole responsibility was to make sure I was okay. You tried to be in my company every meal you could, always watching to ensure that I ate.

Of course my health didn't get back on track right away; those things take time. You helped me, patient as I took baby-steps down the road of progress. You constantly complimented me, calling me "beautiful" and "skinny" (although you never forgot to remind me that being beautiful has absolutely nothing to do with being skinny). You held me when I had the occasional break-down, and was always there to help me get back up. You were so protective of me, always holding my hand tightly in yours, as if I was a fragile child. I would always feel your gaze on me, and I have to admit, I loved the attention from you that I had always wished for. 

You also showed me a lot more affection than before. In addition to holding my hand, you started putting your arm around my waist, and kissing me. Because we had grown up together, we had obviously hugged quite a few times, but this sort of touch was so foreign to me, it was as if I had never felt the softness of your skin before. To this day, my favorite feeling in the world is when your body is in contact with mine. I was in absolute bliss when I felt your lips softly press down on mine- it was literally a dream come true. One of the reasons I made so much improvement with my eating disorder is because I finally felt like I was good enough for you- that I had a chance with you- and that was such an amazing and uplifting reward.

Although I was ecstatic about how you were now treating me, I grew extremely confused. I would stay up for hours in bed, analyzing our situation. You kissed me, and hugged me, cuddled me, and told me how beautiful I was, so did that mean we were dating? Because I didn't have any experience with boys, I had no clue. I assumed that to make it official, you had to be asked, but at the same time, I would have called us more than friends. I was too afraid to ask you, because what if you said we were just friends, and that you were just being nice? How embarrassing would that be! The more I over-thought it, the more puzzled I became, but I decided to let it go, because I figured that our current situation was tremendously better than nothing at all. 

Eventually people started noticing. While I tried to ignore them, I would catch sight of our school mates' curious faces as we walked through the hallways together, hand-in-hand. When you dropped me off at my classes, leaving me with a small peck or hug, my cheeks would blush as I looked down, trying to avoid the jealous stares from all the girls. As we walked home everyday, I tried to block out the continuous whispers surrounding us, although you didn't seem to notice anything at all.

After a few weeks, someone finally had the courage to confront us. As we were walking to lunch one day, one of your friends, Jack West, walked up to us.