Dear Harry (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Ch.17

And that was it. The rest of the journal was filled with a few beaten up pages. Each one empty and completely lifeless. I never did get to finish writing, it was all cut short before I had the chance to place the tip of my pen back on to the blank line.

After months of months of writing, the dreadful activity that only worsened the feelings that encompassed my body twenty four hours a day, the pastime that merely rubbed salt into my huge wound, it was over. I was off the hook. After waiting all this time, it was over.

And yet I still wanted nothing more than to go back to that aching time, living in isolation, waiting for the one thing I cared about to come home.

I shut the book, forcing the worn pages to hug tightly together. Taking a deep breath, and then another, I fumbled for my seatbelt, hoping to relieve some of the pressure in my chest. The belt was unlatched, but the pressure only got worse. I slowly opened up the car door, gathering my various belongings and exiting the cramped vehicle. Rain was still beating down on the earth, soaking up everything it touched. The soles of my high heels scraped against the asphalt of the parking lot, but I didn’t care. My hands pulled at the white fabric that my body was swimming in, attempting to make it lay as elegantly as it once did a few months ago. I took a few more deep breaths. My arms tightened around the objects in my hand, making sure nothing fell from my grasp. My feet took a few pathetic steps, until I finally had the courage to walk like a normal human being. The ring on my left hand suddenly became extremely heavy, and it took all my strength not to let my hand fall to the ground and drag along the pavement. I made one more attempt to get myself together, as if I could somehow seal all the emotions that were threatening to pour out of me.

This was it. The moment I had been waiting for since the moment he had left. I would finally get to see him again. 

I dragged myself along the narrow path, mud stains quickly collecting on the previously pure white hem of my dress. All of a sudden, my feet felt like they were made of lead blocks, a thin layer of sweat forming on my forehead from walking just a few meters. I looked down at the dirt path, squinting just enough so it looked like an aisle, covered in delicate rose petals. My body trudged on, slowly but surely, until I had arrived.

My eyes found him quickly, and I managed to give him small smile despite all the emotion I was being drowned in.

“Hi Harry,” I whispered, anxious and unnerved.

I reached out my arm, closing the two foot gap between us. My eyes shut momentarily as I took it all in.

The cold stone of the grave was rough against my fingers, and just as it once was with Harry, when I touched it, a bolt of electricity flowed through my veins. Although with Harry, it was an amazing feeling, making me feel alive and excited. This was like a taser, burning my body, sucking out the last bit of energy and life I had left. It left me weak and out of breath, causing me to fall on my knees.

I glanced down at the wedding dress that covered my body. It was now drenched, covered in dirt. I felt foolish and stupid, completely ashamed of myself. 

Still crouching on my knees beside Harry’s grave, I set down the objects in my hands, staring down at the diary.